uberboned | Entries tagged with [verse] lastvoyages

[Gabriel's sprawled sideways in his chair with his legs flopped over the side- which rather than that spinny chair he normally has in front of his journal is now a fancy wingback chair and his whole room looks like something out of a classy mansion. There's a smoking jacket involved. He's currently playing cat's cradle with the little bell necklace Murphy gave him while one of his magic hookers rubs his shoulders. He's about halfway interested. ...Yeah, he's taking Murphy's leaving pretty hard, especially since he has ZERO hope she's coming back. NO ONE ELSE HAS.]

Annnd the revolving door starts all over again.

For those of you just tuning in to this episode of Masterpiece Theatre, welcome to the Barge. The place where dreams come true. [He smirks and looks at the camera.] Yes, one of you lucky sons of bitches might make into the Warden's VIP club and all of this can be yours. Pretty snazzy, huh?

[He lets the new Wardens bask in this for a moment and then he snaps and his room goes back to normal and he's just sprawled in a normal chair in his... Horrible porn star room and in his normal clothes, sans magic hooker.]

Yep. I'm just screwin' with you. Get used to it.

[Private to the God Squad]

Sooo gang! Any plans for this month? I'm gettin' a little bored here.

[[OOC: YEAH, SO.... Gabriel promised Howie he'd check up on the gods to see if they were planning anything for Samhain. I plan on putting up a post, depending on how this goes down, figuring out how to cockblock him from getting involved, because I want the plot to actually WORK and... You know, not cockblock someone else with CAPTAIN GODMOD HERE. :|]

[Contrary to what the title of this entry says, Gabriel's not gonna be singing that song ~~because I still have PSTD from the last time I wrote a song parody~~. He is, however, on camera, and golf clapping at the whole Barge and grinning like a maniac. He finds you all so very entertaining.]

Bravo, gang. Bravo.

[ADDITIONAL SPAM FOR MURPHY]

[Knock, knock, Murphy. :|

He gave you some time after the whole Armand incident, now it's time to pay the piper... The piper being Gabriel and paying being.. Tolerating his existence.

Hopefully, there won't be any singing. ~~There will be.~~]

[[OOC: Gabriel's affected, but he hasn't really gotten the ~movement~ to sing yet... Except in that thread with Howie, but I haven't written that tag yet because I put way too much thought into song choices. orz. MAKE HIM SING, BARGE. ]]

[Gabriel is backed into a corner of his North Wing cell, wet and miserable and shaken up, but he's still trying to hold it together, even while he's doing it with duct tape and prayers. Unfortunately, right now there's a doctor in his cell. A very creepy ghost doctor. Gabriel's staring up at him like he's been expecting something like this to happen. He's unamused, but unafraid, by all appearances. He has the video on his journal on, but all you can see is him.]

Gabriel, do you remember why you're here?

Well, Doc, it all started when you mooks nabbed me outta my cabin on the good shop lollipop.

[The doctor chuckles.] Your brothers warned me about that.

[Glaaare] You don't know my family.

They were here just the other day. They were disappointed when you said you didn't want to see them.

If you don't wanna find out if ghosts can have their limbs rearranged, I'd stop talking. You know what I am. Give me ten seconds on a full battery and I'll tear this place down to studs, you prick.

Those violent tendencies again... and delusions of grandeur. You're not making any progress at all.

Shut up.

You should talk to your brother. You know, he forgives you for trying to kill him.

[Gabriel stands at that.] Lucifer killed me. [It doesn't even matter to him that this is public. He's losing it and trying not to.]

Religious visions. You still think your brother is the devil? And that you're an archangel who ran away from Heaven.... And a Trickster, as well. Your brother was trying to stop you from killing more people.

[Gabriel's starting to get panicky now] You... Did someone slip a roofie in your coffee, asshole? I'm not a serial killer.

But you are, Gabriel. You gruesomely murdered four people.

No. You're getting it all wrong-

Did you or did you not?

Yes! Okay? Yes, I killed them. But-

A professor in Springfield, Ohio. Killed by defenestration.

No.

Another professor from the same campus. Torn apart by some sort of wild animal that you set loose on him.

[A horrified laugh.] No. That's not-

Daniel Hasselbeck-

Wait. Wait. You can't-

-thrown into a mineshaft.

Okay. I am way more creative than that.

And another man in Wellington, Ohio. You decapitated him.

I did not. What the hell?

I'm sorry, Gabriel, but until we see some progress, I'm afraid you're going to have to remain here.

No. You son of a bitch. You- [He lunges, dropping the communicator in the process and there's a sudden THUNK, like someone ramming into a wall. After a moment, Gabriel's feet some into view and he kicks the communicator. It clicks off. Thankfully, it's... Not broken. Just very traumatized.]

[Due to the chaos of the last week... Startling confessions, mindfreaking his Inmate, on top of the fact that he still hasn't wholly recovered from last month, Gabriel is doing what Gabriel does best in a bad situation- overcompensating by pretending he is a ball of TOTALLY OKAY.

Also, he's pissed off, because no one seems to remember that he is the most powerful thing on the Barge, save the Admiral, himself, and he's an arrogant bastard. And this is how he reminds people in a casual, nonthreatening way.

How is he doing this today? Well. As the video feed clicks on, we see our resident archangel sprawled across the couch in his horribly porn star-tastic cabin. His head is in the lap of a blonde in very little but lacy black lingerie and she's petting his hair affectionately. His feet are in the lap of a busty brunette and being massaged in such a way that Quentin Tarantino could write a monologue about it.

Yeah. It's about as trashy as it sounds.

After a moment, he shifts and raises a hand, holding up one finger. Even though he's not looking at the camera, he's clearly addressing the Barge.]

So, uh.... Here's an idea. How about the next time someone thinks about mentioning how bored they are.... They just, I dunno.... Let the thought go.

[....Yes, he totally ruined your lives with magic hookers just to say that. That's Gabriel for you.]

[Gabriel is wandering through the woods, because he's on his way to the cool counselor's party or... I dunno. Meeting someone for some secret rendezvous. You never know with him.]

Guys... And by guys, I mean the people in the, uh... Stupid small horse cabin. [That's the Tarpan Cabin, for those keeping score at home. Who the hell knows what's in that cabin. The leftovers? The home for the pathologically short?] We've been challenged and by we, I mostly... Ow. [There's a pause. Genius has obviously been whacked by a branch or gotten tangled in something.]

Anyway. The whole cabin's going on a hike tomorrow morning. Some of you may not survive.

Hopefully, your deaths will be badass.

If you hide, I'll find you. Don't think I won't. I've got mad skills.

[There's a long, long pause.]

....Where the hell am I?

[[OOC: YEAH, SO BUFFY CHALLENGED GABRIEL TO A HIKE-OFF. And now he's determined to win... Except right now, he's... Lost in the woods, because I'm a horrible person and he's a dumb shit. OPEN FOR SPAM IF ANYONE WANTS IN ON... LOST IN THE WOODS SHENANIGANS. Because, really, someone had to... Unless someone did and I missed it. PFFFT. EVERYONE GETS LOST IN THE WOODS. IT'S A PARTY.]]

[Imagine if you will, this scenario. Eighteen year old Gabriel Too-Awesome-For-A-Last-Name sitting in someone's office and using the PA as his own personal voicebox to make his own personal announcements.... Okay, that's just the scenario that Gabriel is imagining in his currently extremely fluffy head, because it would be so cool if he'd really hijacked the PA System, but really he's just sitting in the counselor's cabin with his journal and a smugly superior tone of voice. If anyone knew what Gabriel actually sounded like here, they'd notice he sounds a little more high-pitched and a little less like he swallowed West Tennessee.]

And let's give a big round of applause for our Camp Manager. [Pause for the aforementioned applause. He can totally hear if you're not applauding.] I can assure you that the rumors that our Fearless Leader is an alien and this camp is his way of harvesting his favorite snacks- young, impressionable teenagers- are completely untrue. Those missing campers were found completely unharmed.

....I think.

[He pauses for dramatic effect.] But really, what you have to worry about isn't El Capitan in all his mysterious glory. Ohhh nooo, kids. The real problem? Is out there in the woods. Y'know, the whole... Monster thing. Buuut that's probably just a myth. Just like the alligators in the lake.

[Another pause. He bursts out laughing.] Kidding! They cleared those out last year. ....Maybe. Well, I, personally, haven't seen any, buuut.... [He shrugs, even though no one can see it. Or the comical faces he's making. Oh well.]

Anyway! Guess I should introduce myself. I'm Gabriel, one of your caring, compassionate camp counselors [ISN'T ALLITERATION FUN?], and I'm here to make sure your camping experience is the best that it can be. In fact, we're gonna start now. Don't do anything stupid to make me come down there and throw you in the lake, and I'll just... Leave you in the capable hands of some of the sticks in the mud that actually took this job for the life experience. You know who you are.

In the meantime... Ladies? You know where my cabin is. Same place it is every year. Be there. [Can you feel his eyebrow-waggling?

....No. No, we don't know how he keeps getting this job.]

[It should worry anyone that Lord I Love The Sound of My Own Voice is writing this, instead of, you know, proclaiming his trolling to everyone in the known universe.

It helps that it's... Not his voice right now. :|]

If anyone needs me....

.....Y'know what? No one need me until this is over. Period.

[Gabriel is leaning back in his chair with his feet up on the desk, fiddling with a cassette tape and looking somewhere between bemused and contemplative.]

Well, gang. Looks like Dean Winchester's left the building. One less wayward soul someone's stuck redeeming, but speaking as someone who shoved that kid into the proverbial locker a few times for being a royal pain in the ass, he didn't need it. Oh sure. He made a couple of bad calls and he was a jackass with no respect for anything that didn't fit into his borderline microscopic worldview and, hell, half the time, he got on my last nerve, but... [He rolls his eyes. Yeah, he's not gonna fucking deliver Dean's goddamn eulogy here. That would be like he cares, which he surely does not. And it's not like he's been avoiding both Winchesters for awhile now. And oh yeah, JD and Max are gone too, which is a whole 'nother can of worms he doesn't wanna get into, and... You know what? This whole entry was a baaaad life choice.

He tosses the cassette behind him and breaks out into a nonchalant grin. Yep. He's fine.]

Oh well. Another one bites the dust, I guess.

[Private to Irene]

Soooo. Sparky. Let's talk.

[Gabriel's sitting at his desk with his hands behind his head, looking smug, which is... No real change from how he usually looks.]

Generic greeting to all the fresh meat that just arrived on the Good Ship Lollipop. Declaration of my position as a Warden here. Admittance that I don't actually give a rat's ass about most of you, despite that position. Affirmation that yes, the death and violence crap is pretty common. Vague statement about how we're headed to port in a couple of days and it'll probably end badly. [He rolls his eyes, obviously getting bored of this.] Blah, blah, blah... Repetition of the title of the song.

[He reaches over to turn off the feed and then stops.]

By the way, name's Gabriel. Don't call me, I'll call you.

[The video switches on and Gabriel is sprawled rather contentedly in his chair, looking about as amused as anything. Yeah, he actually got through a flood without being affected. You would be happy too if you were him and... Had his love of schadenfreude.]

So. Everything's back to normal again. The aftermath's set in and... No one's actually broken anything yet. Unless you did it behind closed doors, which... [He considers that for a moment.] Well, 8.5 for keeping your personal to yourself, but a -5 for screwing up our betting pool. C'mon, guys. Some of us have nothing better to do than make fun of you all.

[He leans forward a bit.] But hey. No hard feelings, really. I mean, aside from that one guy, we all got through it alive. And, uh, hey. Casey Kasum's got a long-distance dedication just for you, Barge.

[He leans back again and snaps his fingers and the Barge gets treated to this. Gabriel's an ass. We all should be used this by now.]

[Okay, so. Gabriel and Murphy arrived a little late to Alastair's party, because they were ~~having sexual tension~~ annoying each other in the gym and missed the omens. Sorry, Ruby. Your inevitable evisceration could've been prevented by Gabriel not being a shamless flirt and viewers like you. But either way, Murphy got thrown into a wall. Alastair chose smoking out of his meatsuit to avoid getting fried by an archangel. Ruby's been rescued, and now Gabriel hates his life just a little bit more.]

Whoever thought it'd be a good idea to give the archdemon a double shot of espresso and a power upgrade? Don't make any big life decisions for awhile. The universe will thank you and maybe, just maybe, you won't end up making bad life choices that damn us all straight to hell.

Just sayin'.

...No one actually got devoured by locusts, by any chance, did they?

...What? It's just... Something you'd think would happen.

[Private to Ruby]

[There were gonna be words here, but... Then he realized she's probably unconscious. OH LOOK CONVENIENT EXCUSE FOR RUBY TO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO RESPOND SINCE LIZ IS SICK NOW. FEEL BETTER, LIZ.]

[Private to Murphy]

....You're not in the infirmary anymore, are you?

[Gabriel is mainly posting this so everyone can see he's a cool customer again. Mostly. He's sprawled out on a chair and tilting back on two legs with his legs propped up on his desk and massaging his forehead. This is probably the most NOT ENTIRELY ZEN you will ever see Gabriel. This is... What feeling trapped and not able to do anything about people like Armand (y'know the way he usually does) does to him.]

I know I'm gonna get so much flack for saying this, but... I don't care what any of you think- surprise!- but I, personally, need a port. I don't care if it's Jurassic friggin' Park. Stop the ride, I wanna get off. I'd take five minutes. You all could stay on the friggin' boat for all I care. Heck, leave without me. I can start a new life with the dinosaurs.

[Pause. He glares at the camera.]

That was not a suggestion, Admiral Asshole. I'm allowed one moment of melodrama and this is it.

[And then he just turns on the bitchface.]

And now we return to your regularly scheduled broadcast.

[The transmission clicks off.]

[Private to Dean]

[And the video clicks back on. Gabriel's holding up his copy of Casa Erotica 13 now with added post-it note attached to it. Dean was... Kind enough to leave it while he was being a sulky bitch with Murphy. Gabriel really needs to get better locks for his door. ....He never uses that door anyway.]

Look. I got the memo. You don't wanna be bothered? Fine. This is me, not bothering you, but I've got one thing to say, so I'm gonna say it. I've got enough on my plate without getting the skinny on what exactly went down out there, so if you ever yank yourself up outta that pit you're in? What happened back home is gonna be a strictly "Don't ask, don't tell" situation. Got it?

And as for this and, more importantly, the whole gory story of why it happened? [He shakes the DVD. It promptly goes up in flames and Gabriel flicks the ashes away.] That's between you, me, and Sam, wherever the heck he may be. Comprende?

[Private to Murphy- added later]

How bad d'you wanna pick a fight with someone right now?

[Annnd we have "Bill" back. He is, you'll notice, sans mustache. (Thank you, Murphy.) He does, however, look deeply, deeply serious.]

It's true. I did lie about having memories. I'm not Bill Kohler, post-it billionaire. However, after all this, I've retained enough of my mind to know one thing about myself. I'm....

[Pause for dramatic effect.]

A government agent. And I know for a fact that one of you is the culprit behind this whole... Mass amnesia thing. In fact, I know who the culprit is.

[He leans forward, getting his face really close to the camera.]

There's nowhere you can run on a boat, pal. And I will make it my personal business to find you, Mr.-

[And the flood ends and all of a sudden, you have Gabriel looking like a deer in the headlights for half a second before he shuts off the recording with EPIC FORCE.]

[[OOC: Okay, so Gabriel and The Riddler kinda decided they were each other's archnemesis...es during the flood and I'm assuming he and Murphy did some investigating, but, uh, they only had a voice to go on, so they never really got anywhere with it, so Gabriel was just trying to lure him out and make him do something crazy by pretending he knew who he was. And stuff. Also.... He's not gonna respond to most messages, because have I mentioned that floods make him REALLY UNHAPPY? He needs time to recompose himself and be a man about his emotions again.]]

[The video clicks on and you are greeted to the BRAIN-SEARING IMAGE of Gabriel in a Hawaiian shirt with what can only be described as a lip caterpillar- OH YEAH, THE PORNSTACHE IS HAPPENING- and classy sunglasses. He's the Millionaire to your Gilligan, folks. He's also drinking a Bahama Mama and reclining somewhere in his hotel room.]

Oh come on. I can't be the only one who still has memories in this joint, can I? Huh?

Guess I'm gonna have to be the sane one on this boat. Hi. I'm Bill Kohler, local billionaire. You've probably heard of me. ....Oh that's right. You can't remember. Well, good luck with that. That's probably why they tell you not to drink the water in Mexico.

[[OOC: Gabriel's a bullshitter. He has no memory WHATSOEVER. His kneejerk spazz reaction to waking up with no memories ON TOP OF HIS FEELING LIKE SOMEONE AWESOME AND IMPORTANT made him automatically decide that HE MUST BE AN INTERNATIONAL SPY. So he's pretending to be unaffected by assuming an alias and hoping he can lure the culprit out of hiding, because there's totally a culprit AND HE MUST FIND THEM. And the mustache is a total fake. He has no idea he has powers and he just kinda... Wanted one and one appeared. And since amnesia!Gabe is kind of stupid, he went with it. It's spy magic.

And yes, even with amnesia, he's a jackass and a troll.

For those wondering, Bill Kohler is the name of Richard Speight's character in Jericho. Because I'm awesome like that.]]

[The recorder is on for a LONG FREAKIN' TIME, because LORD DOES GABRIEL WANNA FRIGGIN' KILL RIGHT NOW. He hasn't gotten this pissed since Shinzon and he didn't do anything about that either, because he's doing that whole restraint thing, but... Yeah. Look, Armand hits his JACKASS BUTTON. HARD. And he's not sure what he's gonna do about that yet. And, honestly, his life is just wonderful all around right now and he just keeps... Not dealing.

Finally, rather than list all the reasons you should not piss off an archangel, he just... Settles for being a fucking Warden. You're welcome, Barge. Thankfully, Gabriel's not the type to really hold grudges for long times and tends to just let things go, so this won't fester.... Well, except for the part where he HATES ARMAND SO FREAKIN' MUCH. :\]

Irene, stay in your room, don't take candy from vampires, eat your vegetables, don't sass your Warden, annnd.... All that other crap.

[[OOC: ASSUME MISATO AND DESMOND PUT UP ONE OF THESE FOR LOKI AND DANNY. I really don't feel like writing sixty freakin' journal entries saying the same thing. I chose to post Gabriel's, because... His was actually witty or sommat.]]

[It's video, because Gabriel not only loves the sound of his own voice... Sometimes he just likes everyone getting to see the smarmy expressions he's making. :| There is also ZERO INDICATION that he is even a little bit affected by the whole Fourth Wall Day crap. YEAH, SORRY, BARGE. HE HIDES HIS PAIN. LIKE A MAN.

Also. This was supposed to go up earlier. Y'know. Before Armand starting nomming on people. SO PRETEND LIKE IT IS.]

Better late then never on this, I guess, buuut I was waiting until I was sure the sea of disoriented newbies had finally friggin' ebbed. So! Here's my official "Welcome to the Barge" statement.

Hi. I'm Gabriel, resident Barge archangel. Sometimes I moonlight as a Trickster god. I like long walks on the beach, women with attitude, providing the short pier for certain people to walk off of, and basically doing everything in my power to appear as unangelic as possible. Yeah, that's right. Precious Moments lied to you. Please pick up the shattered pieces of your paradigm at the door and have a nice day.

Hey, Hixie. What's the record for your counter right now?

Oh, and speaking of counters. Tony? It's been, uh, about... Two weeks, on my count. You lose.

[Private to Murphy]

Y'know, you oughta be cited for indecent exposure the way you keep whipping your balls out.

Okay! So, uh... What now? Huh? The Admiral's just decided to stop announcing his bad driving? Like we're not gonna notice when this crap goes pearshaped? Seriously? Oh hey! Raise your hand if you think something's gone wrong with the Barge. Oh wait.

And if one more person says it's temporal interference, I will punt them.

Why do I have a feeling this is just gonna somehow end in blood and tears? Oh right. Because it's the Barge. That's how it always ends with this place. Hate to break it to you, newbies, but you just tapped into the Good Ship Unclaimed Baggage. Get out while you can.

Okay! After four months of being back in the old apocalyptic grind, a few days of being "Uncle Feathers from Australia" was so not what I expected the Barge to throw at me, but... Whatever. At this point, I'm just going with it.

Annnd did someone pull a Moses or something and forget to tell half the Barge? This mass exodus thing is starting to look Biblical. If Charlton Heston shows up with the Ten Commandments, my ass is outta here. You can find another angel who actually wants to relive their Old Testament youth.

...By the way, has anyone seen Az around lately?

[Private to Tony]

So Bela and I called truce. Place your bets on how long that lasts. Also, I'm borrowing your couch.

[OOC: Gabe actually totally noticed Az was gone THE MOMENT HE LEFT, but he kinda brushed it off, because his stuff was still here, and... It's taken him until now to start getting worried. In his own Gabe-ish way.]

( Spoilers for Supernatural 5X19 )

Meanwhile, on the Barge...

[A flash of light randomly lights up Level One, bright enough to send a ripple of bluish-white through entire hallway and an earthquake-like tremble that was just enough to shake that particular section of the Barge. It's just after dinner, almost 48 hours since Gabriel's disappearance. For him, it's been... A few months. He can't really seem to remember how many.

He blinked a few times, half-wondering why nothing suddenly looks like a cruise ship. And then it hits him and he breaks out in a ridiculous cackle. Still laying down, he pulls his transmitter back out of his pocket and turns it on.]

Honey, I'm home.

[There's something bittersweet in the statement right now, but... For the moment, he has to pretend like he's okay. Things ended just as they should have. Gabriel's on the Barge, all may be right with the Apocalypse back home.]

[[OOC: YEP. Gabe's back from his canon update. He's gonna be lying on the floor of Level One, if you wanna find his sorry ass on your way out from dinner, because he's... Kinda disoriented from being dead and doesn't wanna move. He'll be acting PERFECTLY OKAY about this whole thing and no one will know anything bad happened, except for the part where there's a knife-shaped hole in his shirt. Anyway. Spam, don't spam, do what you like. I'm flexible.]]

( Lengthy introspection. Cut for necessary tl;dr. )

The more bullshit that came out of making that announcement, the more irritated he became with himself, until eventually locking himself in his room and waiting for more vitriol and asspats to come out of it just made him want to hurl his journal against the wall. He wasn't looking for sympathy. He wasn't looking to play the moral high ground. He was looking to manage to keep a tenable hold on the last thing he had left, which was the fact that no matter what he became, no matter how far he sank, he wasn't a monster. Whatever. Like he really cared. Like he was really here looking for anything other than a way out that he was too cowardly to get himself.

He wandered up onto the deck, putting himself as far away from everything as he could, and planted his hands on the railing, staring out into the nothing, a light breeze ruffling his hair slightly. He was stuck here- one way or another, he was stuck here. He was gonna have to keep going, biting down his irritation at being stuck in one place sandwiched between people he couldn't stand and people he knew he'd miss when this was all over and he had to go back.

Killing you would be like euthanasia. Putting down a rabid dog. You're nothing like them. They look down from heaven, see who you are and what you've done, shake their heads and say 'Hopless. Case.'

It's a cycle. It's why he never let himself care that much about anything since his family, because that was where it always ended up, wasn't it?

An archangel stood on the deck of the Barge, braced against the railing, and wondered if any part of this was going to get better.

Current Location: The deck

[There's a lot of starts and stops, like Gabe's prepared to record something and then just changes his mind, only to repeat the process a few times before finally just... Word vomiting.]

Say there's a guy. Just... An average guy. The kinda guy who goes out and routinely beats his wife on a daily basis, but no one knows about it. Maybe his wife's not a talker, maybe he's got influence and power... Whatever. No one ever gets the whole story and, basically.. He gets away with it. And he'll keep at it until he kills her.

Say you know enough to take that guy out before it gets that far.

People call it divine judgment or some asshole gettin' his kicks outta makin' people who deserve it suffer for what they've done. And I take it a step further than vigilante justice and I know it- I screw with people and I like it. I'm not exactly getting up here to tell you people that I'm a paragon of morality, 'cause I'm not. Not even by an angel's standards. I don't think I'm better 'cause I'm an angel.

I don't think I'm better at all.

But I'm not a monster. Okay? So let's get that cleared up right now, in case anyone had any doubts.

There's your public service announcement. We'll get back to your regularly scheduled programming next time. Just had to get that out there.

[[OOC: YEAH, SO GABE KINDA KEEPS HAVING HORRIBLE CONVERSATIONS WITH BELA. And they make him realize that he, apparently, GIVES OFF A CERTAIN IMPRESSION. And, honestly, he wouldn't care, except that he feels like this means people have expectations or assign more meaning to his opinions than they should. Bela intentionally went out of her way to keep him from getting at her, which made him go "UM. OKAY? WHY WOULD YOU THINK I CARE SO MUCH?" and "....kjhdska DO YOU THINK I'M THAT BAD THAT YOU NEEDED TO DO THAT?" simultaneously. Basically, Gabe is having a moment that's making him go back and actually THINK on his actions and behaviors for once. It'll pass.]]

Three points.

(1. I'm not an idiot. I know what this week is. By all means, have a Southern Baptist-style potluck supper for all I care. I'm not gonna be the little archangel that rained on your religious parade.

(2. In case you're all worried, no, I don't celebrate April Fool's Day. I'm a little more professional than that, thanks. Although, given the sheer number of dick moves people pull on that day, it's my busiest time of the year. ...That and Thanksgiving. I'm not sure why.

Anyway.

(3. I'm dragging Irene into the CES tomorrow. We'll be gone... Oh, a good three or four days. Maybe. If you need anything.... Y'know what? Just don't need anything.

Storytime, Barge!

Once there was an archangel who, after suffering from death-by-fire and holed up in a room for two days straight, received a request for some R&R time with one of his favorite people. Considering he's about to go insane laying in bed all day, he drops by to visit said person and lo and behold! That person's not there anymore. Hm, says the archangel. That's really weird. So he pops back into the room of the girl he's staying with, while his room smells like Kentucky Fried Archangel to tell her how weird it is that JD invites a guy to come get him and then just vanishes and... There's no Max. There's Max's stuff, but no Max.

So the archangel, confused but not deterred, popped by his next door neighbor's room to see what he thinks of this weird turn of events.

Also gone.

Moral of the story: Iiiif you're someone I like well enough to call a friend, could you, I dunno... Make like the Mickey Mouse Club and do a sound-off, 'cause this? This is getting a little too uncomfortable for my liking. I mean, this is the kind of thing I would do to mess with someone and I don't like being messed with. Okay?

[[OOC: So I'm sick as a dog today, so tags might be slow-to-nonexistent today, but I needed to get this up before it was too late, because it would have been OOC for Gabe not to react to this. At any rate, Gabe's not acting nearly as panicky as you'd expect him to act, because repressing emotions are healthy, but he's totally freaking out on the inside. Also, GDI. Gabe has a lot of CR with Nicci's characters. XD;;]]

Day Two of No-Really-I-Died-That-Time-And-It-Sucked Death Toll. Still sucks.

Note to self: Find a constructive hobby. One that doesn't involve getting lit on fire.

[Warden Filter]

Someone needs to check Bela Talbot's room. She had to have broken into my stash to get the holy oil, so if she's still got some, I wanna know about it. And I want it gone.

( Bonus spam for Max )

Okay! So everyone's getting a bit twitchy over this whole 'we're trapped on a boat with a bunch of starving vampires' thing. I get it. We all look like meals on wheels to you bloodsuckers right now, but just remember that people are friends not food. Repeat it to yourself. Cross-stitch it onto a pillow. I bet some of you guys could use the distraction right now. Go ahead. Cross-stitch away. It's a great hobby.

And, for the record, drinking angel blood is like drinking Drain-o. So don't try it... Unless you want to be hungry and convulsing on the floor with killer indigestion. Hah! See what I did there? 'Cause it... Never mind.

[Private to Max, added later.]

I'm coming over. I need to talk to you. And you don't get to say no.

Okay!

On a list of things I never want to do again, that is way, way, way up there. On the plus side, I can actually move without feeling like I'm gonna black out any second over here, so, in case you were worried, the archangel will pull through. Thank you all for your concern.

On that note, if you guys find the son of a bitch that caused this? I've got five things I'd like to say to him and then five more things to say to him in response to whatever he says after that. And then I'm probably gonna put him through a wall. Okay? Okay. Just so we're all clear on that.

[[OOC: So Gabe's still in the infirmary, despite having almost recovered from his Death Toll, because he won't leave until Max is better. You can assume he's been sitting in a chair beside her cot this entire time, refusing to move and probably either giving people wary looks or sleeping. People still stuck in the infirmary/infirmary staff/whatever can feel free to spam off this post if they'd like. I dun care. XD]]

[If it's possible to sound both pained and homicidal, Gabe sure as hell is close to it right now.]

Someone... [Coughhackgroan.... Excrutiatingly long pause. COUGHHACKARGH.]

Let's try that again.

Someone's gonna... Gonna... [Trails off into another horrific coughing fit. THIS IS NOT PAIN AN ARCHANGEL SHOULD BE FEELING. GDI, BARGE. WHY YOU HATIN'.]

Oh screw it.

[A little more distant, a little more worried now, BECAUSE IN DEATH TOLL LAND, NO ONE REPRESSES ANYTHING] ....Max?

[OOC: So Gabe technically didn't die- his vessel did- but he's still getting Death Tolled, because I'm horrible. As the added bonus to the Death Toll, using most of his powers while under it? SUCKS ASS. In fact, he probably blacked out between blipping from the infirmary to back to his room (because INFIRMARIES ARE FOR SQUARES) and right now. THE WORST PART OF A NEARLY POWERLESS DEATH TOLLED ARCHANGEL? Hungry vampires. Awesome. ....Also, I would've posted this at a LATER time, but I wanted to get it out before LOST happened and possibly destroyed my brain for the night.]

Okaaaay.

Diiid someone start slipping mood enhancers into the water around here? 'Cause, guys? That level of cheerfulness cannot be normal.

I'll just... Be over here, waiting for someone to start merrily chopping people into tiny pieces.

Follows this log.

( Setting: The Pool. Where the magic happens. )

Geez. I bet that "Days Without Incident" counter is lonelier than a dateless girl on prom night. Anyone wanna place bets on what happens next? I'm thinking weird alien spores. I'm sure this place would look great colonized by alien lifeforms that just want to eat our spleens.

[Filtered to Max, otherwise known as the AWKWARD FILTER OF AWKWARD.]

Sorry, I got the heck out of Dodge the other night without sayin' anything. My, uh, beeper... Thing went off. Warden business, y'know? Didn't wanna wake you up.

[Filtered to Dean (Viewable by Sam, because Gabe is occasionally a decent person and thinks he deserves to know.)]

Your former Warden kinda... Left me in charge of you until the next sorting, which I'm sure makes you as happy as it makes me, which is not at all. So... We need to talk. And if I do it person, I'll probably end up strangling you.

....I'm not actually sure I won't end up strangling you through the network if this conversation goes where I know it's gonna go, but at least this way, you've got some insurance against me braining you with a bedpan. See? I'm a reasonable guy.

[Gabe sounds a little too calm. It's that saccharine calm edge he gets when he's starting to get so unbelievably pissed that he might snap and strangle something in the next ten minutes.]

Okay. Here's a game everyone can play! The rules are simple.

If you hear a hellhound, call me. I'll deal with it. If everything you're throwing at it don't seem to be working, then maybe it's 'cause they don't respond to much of anything except divine intervention. Most of 'em should be gone by now, but there were stragglers and for all I know, they're crafty little sons of bitches.

And, Irene? Sweetheart? The next time I tell you to do something, don't give me lip.

[THIS IS NOT A DRILL. IT IS ALSO NOT A JOURNAL ENTRY. IT IS THE FRANTIC YELLING OF AN ARCHANGEL ON LEVEL SEVEN, AND YOU MIGHT NOT NOTICE IT IMMEDIATELY, BECAUSE THE BARGE IS FULL OF HELLHOUNDS, RUN AWAY.

Mostly this is a lot of cursing with the occasional "NO, REALLY LET ME OUT" or "DEAN, YOU ARE GONNA WISH YOU WERE BACK AT THE MYSTERY SPOT WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU."

Gabriel's impotent rage is currently impotent.]

[Because Gabe does not sleep, this is posted at EXACTLY MIDNIGHT. SO HOPE YOU WEREN'T ASLEEP, BARGE. 'CAUSE YOU PROBABLY AREN'T NOW.]

Helloooo, Barge!

You recognize this voice?

It's my voice. It is! Huh? Huh?

That's right. I'm in the right body and, whoo, was I starting to miss it. And I will never, ever complain about being short again, my friends. Never.

Also, the Admiral can screw himself, but that's nothing new.

[Contrary to popular belief, cheerful does not stop at midnight.]

[There's a sound of wrappers crinkling all through this. Gabe may be eating his weight in Little Debbie snack cakes, but that's how he always eats, so it's not really that noteworthy. Also, Gabe sounds ridiculously cheerful through the whole thing and never loses it.]

Y'know the best part of not being human? Things like this? Just roll off you. I mean, c'mon. What's one more vessel? Am I right? Huh?

[There's a pause and then...]

Suck it up and deal. It could be a lot worse

[OOC: SO GABE'S BEEN 40% MORE TROLLY THAN USUAL. This is because Gabe has serious control issues and floods? Are gonna screw with him emotionally, because he doesn't like things happening to him that he can't fix- getting a taste of his own medicine generally displeases him. Yeah, I know. Poor baby. His way of combating emotional distress, however, is to pretend like everything's fine and be aggressively cheerful and aggressively... Well, Gabe. Also, he kinda wound up flailing at Az last night and he's annoyed at the world right now on top of everything else. FUN TIMES. Also if I start switching to Gabe's dude icons mid-tag, IT'S BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T VERY MANY DECENT ICONS OF HIS GIRL!PB AND GABE'S FACES ARE IMPORTANT. PREEEETEND HE'S A WOMAN.]

[I'm going to assume Gabe's disco is gone, thanks to Az. Or Dean got bored and made it go away. Or Gabe is actually recording this from a maintenance hallway where he has taken up residence to live forever as a hobo. Whatever.]

I don't wanna be the guy pulling the divine retribution card here, but I wasn't here for the whole "Davros situation" and all I know is that he's some crazy guy in a wheelchair who... Likes genocide or something. This is all hearsay. Whatever. Don't actually care for the gory details. All I know is that half of everyone's afraid of him, the other half thinks that half is stupid, and a good portion of people here just wanna kick over the little son of a bitch's wheelchair. And he's a dick.

But, uh, guys? You have two, count 'em- two angels on this boat, on top of whatever else is lurking, so what's the big deal? If he tries anything shifty until some poor sap gets shackled to him, we got it covered. Ain't nothing we can't handle. Really. I promise. Return to your lives as normal, citizens.

[Private to Irene.]

Don't poke the crazy guy in the wheelchair. Or I'll find you. And you'll hate it.

[There's a long pause before Gabe actually speaks, because he wants everyone to hear the DULCET STRAINS OF 70'S DISCO BLARING FROM SOMEWHERE IN HIS ROOM. When he speaks over it, he kinda has the tone of a man at the end of his rope. Pay attention, children. This doesn't happen often.]

Someone on this boat thinks they're a comedian and it's not me.

Dean, do I need to kill you 500 more times?

[NO, DEAN. HE DOESN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU, BUT WHO ELSE WOULD STICK SOMETHING WITH LYRICS LIKE "BURN, BABY, BURN" IN HIS ROOM. :|]

Hey, Barge. Did you hear? It's been quiet. Too quiet.

I just thought you all should know that, 'cause I'm sure if someone doesn't say it every ten seconds, it'll lose its effect or something.

[Private to Irene]

Congratulations, princess! You've won a free lesson in humility! I'm sure you're wondering what that means. Well, I'm gonna tell you, but first I gotta ask you one simple question.

How do you feel about food service?

Please note that your answer will not actually affect my decision.

[SO GABE'S A LITTLE ANNOYED, considering, you know, the Admiral revealed his ~~secret identity~~ and all that and Max is pissed at him. So here, Barge, have a grumpy archangel, officially coming out of the angel closet.]

OKAY. I GET IT. For the five people who didn't pay attention to the Admiral's announcement, yes, I'm actually Gabriel. Yep. That one. If the halo fits and all that. And y'know, there was a perfectly good reason for the deception, 'cause I don't like going around telling people I'm an archangel. It's a personal thing and not a "let's play a massive joke on the Barge to see if they'll buy it" thing. Okay? Okay.

And before I get a hundred questions about the same damn thing, lemme clear some stuff up for you guys.

1. Yes, I have wings. My vessel, unfortunately, does not, so no you can't see them, unless you're not that fond of your eyes.

2. I have never, in my entire billions of years in existence, had Shirley temple curls. Okay?

3. The Virgin Mary has a wicked right cross. True story.

4. No, you don't get to know why I'm pretending to be a Trickster. That information's on a need to know basis, and, look at that! You people don't need to know.

Hope that clears everything up.

Oh. Hah hah hah. Very funny, Admiral. You're a real barrel of laughs.

IRENE ADLER. Guess who gets to be your Warden? Yep. It's me, precious, and don't pretend for a second that this is gonna be some kind of pleasure cruise, 'cause it ain't. And since we already know each other, how 'bout I give you a twenty minute warning before I come down there to discuss this file I'm holding in my hands right now.

Time starts... Now.

[WELCOME BACK TO THE BARGE, have some Sinatra to twist the knife into your already anguished hearts, because Gabe can't resist mocking the masses. NEVER MIND THAT IF HE LISTENED TO THE LYRICS, IT WOULD HIT UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE TO HOME, BUT MAYBE NOT, BECAUSE HE'S TOTALLY DENYING THAT HE HAS ANY FEELINGS OF THE LOVING VARIETY FOR PEOPLE NAMED MAX. REALLY. :|]

Welcome back to reality, and to lull you back into that horrible den of self-realization, here's a long-distance dedication for all you newlyweds out there, courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Trickster. May the next week be extremely awkward for all of you.

As for me... Can every port be like that one? I think I've had enough lust and schadenfreude to keep me happy for the rest of the winter.

[Transmission clicks on mid-rant, because he meant to turn the damn thing on, but got distracted by a wayward Cupid. Those little things are pesky. :|]

-little sparkly freak. Annnd the light's blinking. For those of you watching at home, I didn't dropkick Cupid, but I'm about ten seconds from it. You think that would offend the locals? ....I wonder what they do to criminals in this town. I'm not really seeing this as being the hang 'em high kinda place. Unless the nooses are made of licorace or something. Geez. It's like the Valentine's section at a department store exploded. Or we docked in a Disney movie and, by the way? If anyone breaks into song, I'm... No, I'm actually probably gonna laugh and consider the Admiral worthy of my undying respect.

Also, I'm offended at this place's complete disregard for anything other than traditional couples. If this is the love port, you'd think there'd be a lot more orgies. Woodstock was better at free love than this joint and a heckuva lot less cheesy. C'mon.

Anyway. Maxxie, Rubes, Deano, JD, John-Boy, Ringo... Whoever else is out there bored out of their skulls and wandering listlessly around this joint with nothing to do... As soon as I take care of some business in the casino, I'm parking it at the bar and am not moving an inch until we leave. Wild horses covered in pink flowers will not drag me from that place, but hot local girls might.

[OOC: And by "take care of something in the casino," he means "harrass the patrons." A LOT OF GAMBLERS ARE DICKS, OKAY? Feel free to spam, comment, do whatever you want. He has a date with Max and Ruby (not simultaneously), at some point, and a make-out session with Irene, but I'm still all open for plotting if anyone wants it. I am flexible like that.]

Whoo. Lemme tell you, people. I've been here a week and I don't think I could handle another one without getting off this rocker, so, at this point, I could care less if the rumors I've been hearing about ports are true. Bring on the pain, for all I care. I need to stretch my legs on some dry land somethin' fierce. Wind me up and turn me loose, boys, 'cause Daddy needs some action. Any kind of action. ...Just not the kind of action we've been seeing around here lately. That's the kind of action that tends to make me snap and start killing people and we don't want that.

Inmates! How the heck are you? If any of you crazies are still jonesing for a little taste of whatever the port brings, I'm currently Inmateless and intending to live it up a little. ...Or a lot. Probably a lot. I have needs and it's vital to my continuing function that these needs be met, but, hey, I can babysit, too. I'm good at multitasking.

So, let's light this candle, Barge. Bring on tomorrow!

[This week is a week for violent altercations and today is a day for filtering posts AWAY from people you don't wanna talk to. In this case, SO VERY FILTERED AWAY FROM PEOPLE NAMED WINCHESTER. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. AND GABE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.]

So. Barge.

Let's recap. That's... What? Three attacks in as many days? Is that the lull-breaking tradition here on the USS Redemption? Kill each other until the boredom goes away?

Nice tactic, you psychos. Sorta defeats the purpose of the damn boat, don't it?

[While the Winchesters are away, the Tricksters will play, apparently. THE BARGE HAS TIMING. :| Hope your ears love the sultry sound of loud-mouthed demigods/archangels with slight southern drawls, residents of the Barge, because that's what you're getting. And there is nothing in the tone of this that does not scream SNARK.]

GOOD MORNIN', VIET-NAM.

Or afternoon. Or, for all I know, half-past midnight. I don't believe in clocks. Anyway.

Hi! I'm the newest sherrif on this Love Boat. One of you lucky sons of bitches will eventually be mine to mold into whatever amounts to a productive, functional member of society. Lucky you! For the rest of you, juuust get used to the sound of this voice, kids, 'cause you're gonna be hearing a lot of it.

I could go on, tell you all a few things about me, and we can all have a nice, little sharing circle, buuuut I'm not that kinda guy. Sorry. A man's gotta have a little mystery about him. In this case, a lot.

But, hey, I'm here for all you losers. That's the deal I made and I live up to my deals. Think of me as your own personal pagan deity. So if you really need and/or want me, look me up sometime. It's Trickster, comma, the. Thank you and good night.

Profile

Gabriel, aka The Trickster

January 2014

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26	27	28	29	30	31

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Page Summary

048- (Video) Repressing like a boss again...
047- I'm in the mood to help you, dude. You ain't never had a friend like me.
045- (Video/Spam) LONG POST IS LONG
044- (Video) Everyone needs magic hookers....
043- (Voice with some added delicious spam if you're daring)
042- FINALLY HAVING AN EXCUSE TO USE THESE ICONS ROCKS.
040 (Written) WORST FLOOD EVER
039 (Video)
037 (Video) See Gabriel. See Gabriel greet the newbies.
036 (Video) It's time for some post-flood trolling!
035 (Voice) /// AND NOW I SWEAR I'M DONE SPAMMING WITH GABE. I just need the placeholder.
034 (Video) Gabriel's gotta set the world straight, okay?
033- (Video) Backdated to JUST BEFORE the flood ends.
032 (Video)
031 (Voice)
030 (Video)
029- (Voice) HIS BARGE TROLL CROWN IS BEING COMPROMISED. GTFO.
028 (Voice)
027 Voice/Spam- "No makes us do anything."
[Open Spam/Log] But I tell you now, my judge and jurors, intentions couldn't have been purer....
026- Gabe's being introspective. RUN.
024- RELIGIOUS OBSERVANCES ARE FOR SQUARES (LIKE PANTS)
023- WHAT IS THE SOUND OF ONE HAND CLAPPING? (Hint: The same sound as an archangel panicking)
022- Gabriel: Now with 40% less trolling, a little less death toll, and 100% more SPAM
020- (Voice) Gabe is still the most unhelpful angel on the Barge
018 [Written, because he's in the infirmary still and he has some decorum... Y'know somewhere]
017- (Voice) Death Toll, the First
016 (Voice) In which Gabe compensates for having the WEEK FROM HELL.
Spam for Max~
015 (Voice)
014 (Voice)
[WE INTERRUPT YOUR HELLHOUNDS TO BRING YOU THIS MESSAGE/EVENTUAL SPAM]
013 (Voice) There's a Rocky Horror song for everything...
012 (Voice)
011 (Voice)
010 (Voice)
009- LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS... You know the rest.
008: FORCED OUT OF THE ANGEL CLOSET. THANKS, ADMIRAL.
007: THE TIME OF THE GREAT ASSIGNING IS AT HAND... Or Gabe suddenly hates everything.
006: Use your mentality, wake up to reality
005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....
004- All the cool kids are doing it...
002 (Voice, because Gabe likes hearing himself talk)
001 (Voice)

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