uberboned | Entries tagged with [!] and they let this guy be a warden

[Gabriel's sprawled sideways in his chair with his legs flopped over the side- which rather than that spinny chair he normally has in front of his journal is now a fancy wingback chair and his whole room looks like something out of a classy mansion. There's a smoking jacket involved. He's currently playing cat's cradle with the little bell necklace Murphy gave him while one of his magic hookers rubs his shoulders. He's about halfway interested. ...Yeah, he's taking Murphy's leaving pretty hard, especially since he has ZERO hope she's coming back. NO ONE ELSE HAS.]

Annnd the revolving door starts all over again.

For those of you just tuning in to this episode of Masterpiece Theatre, welcome to the Barge. The place where dreams come true. [He smirks and looks at the camera.] Yes, one of you lucky sons of bitches might make into the Warden's VIP club and all of this can be yours. Pretty snazzy, huh?

[He lets the new Wardens bask in this for a moment and then he snaps and his room goes back to normal and he's just sprawled in a normal chair in his... Horrible porn star room and in his normal clothes, sans magic hooker.]

Yep. I'm just screwin' with you. Get used to it.

[Private to the God Squad]

Sooo gang! Any plans for this month? I'm gettin' a little bored here.

[[OOC: YEAH, SO.... Gabriel promised Howie he'd check up on the gods to see if they were planning anything for Samhain. I plan on putting up a post, depending on how this goes down, figuring out how to cockblock him from getting involved, because I want the plot to actually WORK and... You know, not cockblock someone else with CAPTAIN GODMOD HERE. :|]

[Contrary to what the title of this entry says, Gabriel's not gonna be singing that song ~~because I still have PSTD from the last time I wrote a song parody~~. He is, however, on camera, and golf clapping at the whole Barge and grinning like a maniac. He finds you all so very entertaining.]

Bravo, gang. Bravo.

[ADDITIONAL SPAM FOR MURPHY]

[Knock, knock, Murphy. :|

He gave you some time after the whole Armand incident, now it's time to pay the piper... The piper being Gabriel and paying being.. Tolerating his existence.

Hopefully, there won't be any singing. ~~There will be.~~]

[[OOC: Gabriel's affected, but he hasn't really gotten the ~movement~ to sing yet... Except in that thread with Howie, but I haven't written that tag yet because I put way too much thought into song choices. orz. MAKE HIM SING, BARGE. ]]

[Gabriel is backed into a corner of his North Wing cell, wet and miserable and shaken up, but he's still trying to hold it together, even while he's doing it with duct tape and prayers. Unfortunately, right now there's a doctor in his cell. A very creepy ghost doctor. Gabriel's staring up at him like he's been expecting something like this to happen. He's unamused, but unafraid, by all appearances. He has the video on his journal on, but all you can see is him.]

Gabriel, do you remember why you're here?

Well, Doc, it all started when you mooks nabbed me outta my cabin on the good shop lollipop.

[The doctor chuckles.] Your brothers warned me about that.

[Glaaare] You don't know my family.

They were here just the other day. They were disappointed when you said you didn't want to see them.

If you don't wanna find out if ghosts can have their limbs rearranged, I'd stop talking. You know what I am. Give me ten seconds on a full battery and I'll tear this place down to studs, you prick.

Those violent tendencies again... and delusions of grandeur. You're not making any progress at all.

Shut up.

You should talk to your brother. You know, he forgives you for trying to kill him.

[Gabriel stands at that.] Lucifer killed me. [It doesn't even matter to him that this is public. He's losing it and trying not to.]

Religious visions. You still think your brother is the devil? And that you're an archangel who ran away from Heaven.... And a Trickster, as well. Your brother was trying to stop you from killing more people.

[Gabriel's starting to get panicky now] You... Did someone slip a roofie in your coffee, asshole? I'm not a serial killer.

But you are, Gabriel. You gruesomely murdered four people.

No. You're getting it all wrong-

Did you or did you not?

Yes! Okay? Yes, I killed them. But-

A professor in Springfield, Ohio. Killed by defenestration.

No.

Another professor from the same campus. Torn apart by some sort of wild animal that you set loose on him.

[A horrified laugh.] No. That's not-

Daniel Hasselbeck-

Wait. Wait. You can't-

-thrown into a mineshaft.

Okay. I am way more creative than that.

And another man in Wellington, Ohio. You decapitated him.

I did not. What the hell?

I'm sorry, Gabriel, but until we see some progress, I'm afraid you're going to have to remain here.

No. You son of a bitch. You- [He lunges, dropping the communicator in the process and there's a sudden THUNK, like someone ramming into a wall. After a moment, Gabriel's feet some into view and he kicks the communicator. It clicks off. Thankfully, it's... Not broken. Just very traumatized.]

[Due to the chaos of the last week... Startling confessions, mindfreaking his Inmate, on top of the fact that he still hasn't wholly recovered from last month, Gabriel is doing what Gabriel does best in a bad situation- overcompensating by pretending he is a ball of TOTALLY OKAY.

Also, he's pissed off, because no one seems to remember that he is the most powerful thing on the Barge, save the Admiral, himself, and he's an arrogant bastard. And this is how he reminds people in a casual, nonthreatening way.

How is he doing this today? Well. As the video feed clicks on, we see our resident archangel sprawled across the couch in his horribly porn star-tastic cabin. His head is in the lap of a blonde in very little but lacy black lingerie and she's petting his hair affectionately. His feet are in the lap of a busty brunette and being massaged in such a way that Quentin Tarantino could write a monologue about it.

Yeah. It's about as trashy as it sounds.

After a moment, he shifts and raises a hand, holding up one finger. Even though he's not looking at the camera, he's clearly addressing the Barge.]

So, uh.... Here's an idea. How about the next time someone thinks about mentioning how bored they are.... They just, I dunno.... Let the thought go.

[....Yes, he totally ruined your lives with magic hookers just to say that. That's Gabriel for you.]

[Gabriel is wandering through the woods, because he's on his way to the cool counselor's party or... I dunno. Meeting someone for some secret rendezvous. You never know with him.]

Guys... And by guys, I mean the people in the, uh... Stupid small horse cabin. [That's the Tarpan Cabin, for those keeping score at home. Who the hell knows what's in that cabin. The leftovers? The home for the pathologically short?] We've been challenged and by we, I mostly... Ow. [There's a pause. Genius has obviously been whacked by a branch or gotten tangled in something.]

Anyway. The whole cabin's going on a hike tomorrow morning. Some of you may not survive.

Hopefully, your deaths will be badass.

If you hide, I'll find you. Don't think I won't. I've got mad skills.

[There's a long, long pause.]

....Where the hell am I?

[[OOC: YEAH, SO BUFFY CHALLENGED GABRIEL TO A HIKE-OFF. And now he's determined to win... Except right now, he's... Lost in the woods, because I'm a horrible person and he's a dumb shit. OPEN FOR SPAM IF ANYONE WANTS IN ON... LOST IN THE WOODS SHENANIGANS. Because, really, someone had to... Unless someone did and I missed it. PFFFT. EVERYONE GETS LOST IN THE WOODS. IT'S A PARTY.]]

[Imagine if you will, this scenario. Eighteen year old Gabriel Too-Awesome-For-A-Last-Name sitting in someone's office and using the PA as his own personal voicebox to make his own personal announcements.... Okay, that's just the scenario that Gabriel is imagining in his currently extremely fluffy head, because it would be so cool if he'd really hijacked the PA System, but really he's just sitting in the counselor's cabin with his journal and a smugly superior tone of voice. If anyone knew what Gabriel actually sounded like here, they'd notice he sounds a little more high-pitched and a little less like he swallowed West Tennessee.]

And let's give a big round of applause for our Camp Manager. [Pause for the aforementioned applause. He can totally hear if you're not applauding.] I can assure you that the rumors that our Fearless Leader is an alien and this camp is his way of harvesting his favorite snacks- young, impressionable teenagers- are completely untrue. Those missing campers were found completely unharmed.

....I think.

[He pauses for dramatic effect.] But really, what you have to worry about isn't El Capitan in all his mysterious glory. Ohhh nooo, kids. The real problem? Is out there in the woods. Y'know, the whole... Monster thing. Buuut that's probably just a myth. Just like the alligators in the lake.

[Another pause. He bursts out laughing.] Kidding! They cleared those out last year. ....Maybe. Well, I, personally, haven't seen any, buuut.... [He shrugs, even though no one can see it. Or the comical faces he's making. Oh well.]

Anyway! Guess I should introduce myself. I'm Gabriel, one of your caring, compassionate camp counselors [ISN'T ALLITERATION FUN?], and I'm here to make sure your camping experience is the best that it can be. In fact, we're gonna start now. Don't do anything stupid to make me come down there and throw you in the lake, and I'll just... Leave you in the capable hands of some of the sticks in the mud that actually took this job for the life experience. You know who you are.

In the meantime... Ladies? You know where my cabin is. Same place it is every year. Be there. [Can you feel his eyebrow-waggling?

....No. No, we don't know how he keeps getting this job.]

[Gabriel's sitting at his desk with his hands behind his head, looking smug, which is... No real change from how he usually looks.]

Generic greeting to all the fresh meat that just arrived on the Good Ship Lollipop. Declaration of my position as a Warden here. Admittance that I don't actually give a rat's ass about most of you, despite that position. Affirmation that yes, the death and violence crap is pretty common. Vague statement about how we're headed to port in a couple of days and it'll probably end badly. [He rolls his eyes, obviously getting bored of this.] Blah, blah, blah... Repetition of the title of the song.

[He reaches over to turn off the feed and then stops.]

By the way, name's Gabriel. Don't call me, I'll call you.

[There's a long pause before Gabe actually speaks, because he wants everyone to hear the DULCET STRAINS OF 70'S DISCO BLARING FROM SOMEWHERE IN HIS ROOM. When he speaks over it, he kinda has the tone of a man at the end of his rope. Pay attention, children. This doesn't happen often.]

Someone on this boat thinks they're a comedian and it's not me.

Dean, do I need to kill you 500 more times?

[NO, DEAN. HE DOESN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU, BUT WHO ELSE WOULD STICK SOMETHING WITH LYRICS LIKE "BURN, BABY, BURN" IN HIS ROOM. :|]

Hey, Barge. Did you hear? It's been quiet. Too quiet.

I just thought you all should know that, 'cause I'm sure if someone doesn't say it every ten seconds, it'll lose its effect or something.

[Private to Irene]

Congratulations, princess! You've won a free lesson in humility! I'm sure you're wondering what that means. Well, I'm gonna tell you, but first I gotta ask you one simple question.

How do you feel about food service?

Please note that your answer will not actually affect my decision.

Oh. Hah hah hah. Very funny, Admiral. You're a real barrel of laughs.

IRENE ADLER. Guess who gets to be your Warden? Yep. It's me, precious, and don't pretend for a second that this is gonna be some kind of pleasure cruise, 'cause it ain't. And since we already know each other, how 'bout I give you a twenty minute warning before I come down there to discuss this file I'm holding in my hands right now.

Time starts... Now.

[WELCOME BACK TO THE BARGE, have some Sinatra to twist the knife into your already anguished hearts, because Gabe can't resist mocking the masses. NEVER MIND THAT IF HE LISTENED TO THE LYRICS, IT WOULD HIT UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE TO HOME, BUT MAYBE NOT, BECAUSE HE'S TOTALLY DENYING THAT HE HAS ANY FEELINGS OF THE LOVING VARIETY FOR PEOPLE NAMED MAX. REALLY. :|]

Welcome back to reality, and to lull you back into that horrible den of self-realization, here's a long-distance dedication for all you newlyweds out there, courtesy of your friendly neighborhood Trickster. May the next week be extremely awkward for all of you.

As for me... Can every port be like that one? I think I've had enough lust and schadenfreude to keep me happy for the rest of the winter.

[Transmission clicks on mid-rant, because he meant to turn the damn thing on, but got distracted by a wayward Cupid. Those little things are pesky. :|]

-little sparkly freak. Annnd the light's blinking. For those of you watching at home, I didn't dropkick Cupid, but I'm about ten seconds from it. You think that would offend the locals? ....I wonder what they do to criminals in this town. I'm not really seeing this as being the hang 'em high kinda place. Unless the nooses are made of licorace or something. Geez. It's like the Valentine's section at a department store exploded. Or we docked in a Disney movie and, by the way? If anyone breaks into song, I'm... No, I'm actually probably gonna laugh and consider the Admiral worthy of my undying respect.

Also, I'm offended at this place's complete disregard for anything other than traditional couples. If this is the love port, you'd think there'd be a lot more orgies. Woodstock was better at free love than this joint and a heckuva lot less cheesy. C'mon.

Anyway. Maxxie, Rubes, Deano, JD, John-Boy, Ringo... Whoever else is out there bored out of their skulls and wandering listlessly around this joint with nothing to do... As soon as I take care of some business in the casino, I'm parking it at the bar and am not moving an inch until we leave. Wild horses covered in pink flowers will not drag me from that place, but hot local girls might.

[OOC: And by "take care of something in the casino," he means "harrass the patrons." A LOT OF GAMBLERS ARE DICKS, OKAY? Feel free to spam, comment, do whatever you want. He has a date with Max and Ruby (not simultaneously), at some point, and a make-out session with Irene, but I'm still all open for plotting if anyone wants it. I am flexible like that.]

Whoo. Lemme tell you, people. I've been here a week and I don't think I could handle another one without getting off this rocker, so, at this point, I could care less if the rumors I've been hearing about ports are true. Bring on the pain, for all I care. I need to stretch my legs on some dry land somethin' fierce. Wind me up and turn me loose, boys, 'cause Daddy needs some action. Any kind of action. ...Just not the kind of action we've been seeing around here lately. That's the kind of action that tends to make me snap and start killing people and we don't want that.

Inmates! How the heck are you? If any of you crazies are still jonesing for a little taste of whatever the port brings, I'm currently Inmateless and intending to live it up a little. ...Or a lot. Probably a lot. I have needs and it's vital to my continuing function that these needs be met, but, hey, I can babysit, too. I'm good at multitasking.

So, let's light this candle, Barge. Bring on tomorrow!

[While the Winchesters are away, the Tricksters will play, apparently. THE BARGE HAS TIMING. :| Hope your ears love the sultry sound of loud-mouthed demigods/archangels with slight southern drawls, residents of the Barge, because that's what you're getting. And there is nothing in the tone of this that does not scream SNARK.]

GOOD MORNIN', VIET-NAM.

Or afternoon. Or, for all I know, half-past midnight. I don't believe in clocks. Anyway.

Hi! I'm the newest sherrif on this Love Boat. One of you lucky sons of bitches will eventually be mine to mold into whatever amounts to a productive, functional member of society. Lucky you! For the rest of you, juuust get used to the sound of this voice, kids, 'cause you're gonna be hearing a lot of it.

I could go on, tell you all a few things about me, and we can all have a nice, little sharing circle, buuuut I'm not that kinda guy. Sorry. A man's gotta have a little mystery about him. In this case, a lot.

But, hey, I'm here for all you losers. That's the deal I made and I live up to my deals. Think of me as your own personal pagan deity. So if you really need and/or want me, look me up sometime. It's Trickster, comma, the. Thank you and good night.

Profile

Gabriel, aka The Trickster

January 2014

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Syndicate

Page Summary

048- (Video) Repressing like a boss again...
047- I'm in the mood to help you, dude. You ain't never had a friend like me.
045- (Video/Spam) LONG POST IS LONG
044- (Video) Everyone needs magic hookers....
043- (Voice with some added delicious spam if you're daring)
042- FINALLY HAVING AN EXCUSE TO USE THESE ICONS ROCKS.
037 (Video) See Gabriel. See Gabriel greet the newbies.
010 (Voice)
009- LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS... You know the rest.
007: THE TIME OF THE GREAT ASSIGNING IS AT HAND... Or Gabe suddenly hates everything.
006: Use your mentality, wake up to reality
005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....
004- All the cool kids are doing it...
001 (Voice)

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Base style: ColorSide by branchandroot
Theme: Labyrinth by nornoriel

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Page generated Jun. 12th, 2025 09:02 pm

Those guys are either gonna dust you or use you as bait.

Either way? You're uberboned.

Entries tagged with [!] and they let this guy be a warden

048- (Video) Repressing like a boss again...

047- I'm in the mood to help you, dude. You ain't never had a friend like me.

045- (Video/Spam) LONG POST IS LONG

044- (Video) Everyone needs magic hookers....

043- (Voice with some added delicious spam if you're daring)

042- FINALLY HAVING AN EXCUSE TO USE THESE ICONS ROCKS.

037 (Video) See Gabriel. See Gabriel greet the newbies.

010 (Voice)

009- LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS... You know the rest.

007: THE TIME OF THE GREAT ASSIGNING IS AT HAND... Or Gabe suddenly hates everything.

006: Use your mentality, wake up to reality

005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....

004- All the cool kids are doing it...

001 (Voice)