Those guys are either gonna dust you or use you as bait.

Okay! After four months of being back in the old apocalyptic grind, a few days of being "Uncle Feathers from Australia" was so not what I expected the Barge to throw at me, but... Whatever. At this point, I'm just going with it.

Annnd did someone pull a Moses or something and forget to tell half the Barge? This mass exodus thing is starting to look Biblical. If Charlton Heston shows up with the Ten Commandments, my ass is outta here. You can find another angel who actually wants to relive their Old Testament youth.

...By the way, has anyone seen Az around lately?

[Private to Tony]

So Bela and I called truce. Place your bets on how long that lasts. Also, I'm borrowing your couch.

[OOC: Gabe actually totally noticed Az was gone THE MOMENT HE LEFT, but he kinda brushed it off, because his stuff was still here, and... It's taken him until now to start getting worried. In his own Gabe-ish way.]

Okay! So everyone's getting a bit twitchy over this whole 'we're trapped on a boat with a bunch of starving vampires' thing. I get it. We all look like meals on wheels to you bloodsuckers right now, but just remember that people are friends not food. Repeat it to yourself. Cross-stitch it onto a pillow. I bet some of you guys could use the distraction right now. Go ahead. Cross-stitch away. It's a great hobby.

And, for the record, drinking angel blood is like drinking Drain-o. So don't try it... Unless you want to be hungry and convulsing on the floor with killer indigestion. Hah! See what I did there? 'Cause it... Never mind.

[Private to Max, added later.]

I'm coming over. I need to talk to you. And you don't get to say no.

[Gabe sounds a little too calm. It's that saccharine calm edge he gets when he's starting to get so unbelievably pissed that he might snap and strangle something in the next ten minutes.]

Okay. Here's a game everyone can play! The rules are simple.

If you hear a hellhound, call me. I'll deal with it. If everything you're throwing at it don't seem to be working, then maybe it's 'cause they don't respond to much of anything except divine intervention. Most of 'em should be gone by now, but there were stragglers and for all I know, they're crafty little sons of bitches.

And, Irene? Sweetheart? The next time I tell you to do something, don't give me lip.

[SO GABE'S A LITTLE ANNOYED, considering, you know, the Admiral revealed his ~~secret identity~~ and all that and Max is pissed at him. So here, Barge, have a grumpy archangel, officially coming out of the angel closet.]

OKAY. I GET IT. For the five people who didn't pay attention to the Admiral's announcement, yes, I'm actually Gabriel. Yep. That one. If the halo fits and all that. And y'know, there was a perfectly good reason for the deception, 'cause I don't like going around telling people I'm an archangel. It's a personal thing and not a "let's play a massive joke on the Barge to see if they'll buy it" thing. Okay? Okay.

And before I get a hundred questions about the same damn thing, lemme clear some stuff up for you guys.

1. Yes, I have wings. My vessel, unfortunately, does not, so no you can't see them, unless you're not that fond of your eyes. 

2. I have never, in my entire billions of years in existence, had Shirley temple curls. Okay?

3. The Virgin Mary has a wicked right cross. True story.

4. No, you don't get to know why I'm pretending to be a Trickster. That information's on a need to know basis, and, look at that! You people don't need to know.

Hope that clears everything up. 

[Transmission clicks on mid-rant,  because he meant to turn the damn thing on, but got distracted by a wayward Cupid. Those little things are pesky. :|]

-little sparkly freak. Annnd the light's blinking. For those of you watching at home, I didn't dropkick Cupid, but I'm about ten seconds from it. You think that would offend the locals? ....I wonder what they do to criminals in this town. I'm not really seeing this as being the hang 'em high kinda place. Unless the nooses are made of licorace or something. Geez. It's like the Valentine's section at a department store exploded. Or we docked in a Disney movie and, by the way? If anyone breaks into song, I'm... No, I'm actually probably gonna laugh and consider the Admiral worthy of my undying respect. 

Also, I'm offended at this place's complete disregard for anything other than traditional couples. If this is the love port, you'd think there'd be a lot more orgies. Woodstock was better at free love than this joint and a heckuva lot less cheesy. C'mon.

Anyway. Maxxie, Rubes, Deano, JD, John-Boy, Ringo... Whoever else is out there bored out of their skulls and wandering listlessly around this joint with nothing to do... As soon as I take care of some business in the casino, I'm parking it at the bar and am not moving an inch until we leave. Wild horses covered in pink flowers will not drag me from that place, but hot local girls might. 

[OOC: And by "take care of something in the casino," he means "harrass the patrons." A LOT OF GAMBLERS ARE DICKS, OKAY? Feel free to spam, comment, do whatever you want. He has a date with Max and Ruby (not simultaneously), at some point, and a make-out session with Irene, but I'm still all open for plotting if anyone wants it. I am flexible like that.]