Those guys are either gonna dust you or use you as bait.

[Okay, so. Gabriel and Murphy arrived a little late to Alastair's party, because they were having sexual tension annoying each other in the gym and missed the omens. Sorry, Ruby. Your inevitable evisceration could've been prevented by Gabriel not being a shamless flirt and viewers like you. But either way, Murphy got thrown into a wall. Alastair chose smoking out of his meatsuit to avoid getting fried by an archangel. Ruby's been rescued, and now Gabriel hates his life just a little bit more.]

Whoever thought it'd be a good idea to give the archdemon a double shot of espresso and a power upgrade? Don't make any big life decisions for awhile. The universe will thank you and maybe, just maybe, you won't end up making bad life choices that damn us all straight to hell.

Just sayin'.

...No one actually got devoured by locusts, by any chance, did they?

...What? It's just... Something you'd think would happen.

[Private to Ruby]

[There were gonna be words here, but... Then he realized she's probably unconscious. OH LOOK CONVENIENT EXCUSE FOR RUBY TO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO RESPOND SINCE LIZ IS SICK NOW. FEEL BETTER, LIZ.]

[Private to Murphy]

....You're not in the infirmary anymore, are you?

Geez. I bet that "Days Without Incident" counter is lonelier than a dateless girl on prom night. Anyone wanna place bets on what happens next? I'm thinking weird alien spores. I'm sure this place would look great colonized by alien lifeforms that just want to eat our spleens.

[Filtered to Max, otherwise known as the AWKWARD FILTER OF AWKWARD.]

Sorry, I got the heck out of Dodge the other night without sayin' anything. My, uh, beeper... Thing went off. Warden business, y'know? Didn't wanna wake you up.

[Filtered to Dean (Viewable by Sam, because Gabe is occasionally a decent person and thinks he deserves to know.)]

Your former Warden kinda... Left me in charge of you until the next sorting, which I'm sure makes you as happy as it makes me, which is not at all. So... We need to talk. And if I do it person, I'll probably end up strangling you.

....I'm not actually sure I won't end up strangling you through the network if this conversation goes where I know it's gonna go, but at least this way, you've got some insurance against me braining you with a bedpan. See? I'm a reasonable guy.

[The audio link clicks on and the Barge gets treated to THIS. Don't make the mistake of assuming this means Gabe is a cultured, immature son of a bitch. He probably only knows it as the Alcoholic's Anonymous theme song. Eventually, Gabe starts talking over it.]

So, apparently, the first step to eternal life is you have to die. Great mantra here, guys, considering you're already dead, but whatever. And if anyone asks you if you know Tyler Durden, just say no.

That said, I don't do rigorous structure and I'm chompin' at the bit to put half of you in fun situations you don't wanna be in and probably won't find nearly as fun as I will, but I'm resisting, 'cause I occasionally use this little thing called restraint. Look it up. Some of you need better dictionaries. Do I need to start a five step program here? 'Cause I gotta tell you, one of those steps is "make amends," not "make a mess of the mens." Glad I could clear that up for you. You're welcome.

That said, if any of you putzes start fight clubbing it up anywhere near my level, I'm gonna forget that I'm actively Not Involved in this bullshit and happily put you through a wall and leave your Wardens to deal with your bruised asses. Just a tip.

And yes, JD is with me. And no, I'm not corrupting his delicate youthful sensibilities. Geez.

[OOC: Gabe's pretty much had it with you people and due to the fact that his KNEEJERK reaction to this kind of thing is to start dishing out just desserts all around and that would exacerbate the situation and he's fully capable of REALIZING that, since he can't just run off and leave the chaos to someone else, he's mostly staying in his room and being agitated. But yeah, if anyone causes problems near his level, REST ASSURED THERE WILL BE ONE PISSED-OFF ARCHANGEL GUNNING FOR YOUR COLLARBONES. This is not even the kind of chaos he likes, dudes.]