Those guys are either gonna dust you or use you as bait.

[It's video, because Gabriel not only loves the sound of his own voice... Sometimes he just likes everyone getting to see the smarmy expressions he's making. :| There is also ZERO INDICATION that he is even a little bit affected by the whole Fourth Wall Day crap. YEAH, SORRY, BARGE. HE HIDES HIS PAIN. LIKE A MAN.

Also. This was supposed to go up earlier. Y'know. Before Armand starting nomming on people. SO PRETEND LIKE IT IS.]

Better late then never on this, I guess, buuut I was waiting until I was sure the sea of disoriented newbies had finally friggin' ebbed. So! Here's my official "Welcome to the Barge" statement.

Hi. I'm Gabriel, resident Barge archangel. Sometimes I moonlight as a Trickster god. I like long walks on the beach, women with attitude, providing the short pier for certain people to walk off of, and basically doing everything in my power to appear as unangelic as possible. Yeah, that's right. Precious Moments lied to you. Please pick up the shattered pieces of your paradigm at the door and have a nice day.

Hey, Hixie. What's the record for your counter right now?

Oh, and speaking of counters. Tony? It's been, uh, about... Two weeks, on my count. You lose.

[Private to Murphy]

Y'know, you oughta be cited for indecent exposure the way you keep whipping your balls out.

Hey, Barge. Did you hear? It's been quiet. Too quiet.

I just thought you all should know that, 'cause I'm sure if someone doesn't say it every ten seconds, it'll lose its effect or something.

[Private to Irene]

Congratulations, princess! You've won a free lesson in humility! I'm sure you're wondering what that means. Well, I'm gonna tell you, but first I gotta ask you one simple question.

How do you feel about food service?

Please note that your answer will not actually affect my decision.