Those guys are either gonna dust you or use you as bait.

[It's video, because Gabriel not only loves the sound of his own voice... Sometimes he just likes everyone getting to see the smarmy expressions he's making. :| There is also ZERO INDICATION that he is even a little bit affected by the whole Fourth Wall Day crap. YEAH, SORRY, BARGE. HE HIDES HIS PAIN. LIKE A MAN.

Also. This was supposed to go up earlier. Y'know. Before Armand starting nomming on people. SO PRETEND LIKE IT IS.]

Better late then never on this, I guess, buuut I was waiting until I was sure the sea of disoriented newbies had finally friggin' ebbed. So! Here's my official "Welcome to the Barge" statement.

Hi. I'm Gabriel, resident Barge archangel. Sometimes I moonlight as a Trickster god. I like long walks on the beach, women with attitude, providing the short pier for certain people to walk off of, and basically doing everything in my power to appear as unangelic as possible. Yeah, that's right. Precious Moments lied to you. Please pick up the shattered pieces of your paradigm at the door and have a nice day.

Hey, Hixie. What's the record for your counter right now?

Oh, and speaking of counters. Tony? It's been, uh, about... Two weeks, on my count. You lose.

[Private to Murphy]

Y'know, you oughta be cited for indecent exposure the way you keep whipping your balls out.

[Transmission clicks on mid-rant,  because he meant to turn the damn thing on, but got distracted by a wayward Cupid. Those little things are pesky. :|]

-little sparkly freak. Annnd the light's blinking. For those of you watching at home, I didn't dropkick Cupid, but I'm about ten seconds from it. You think that would offend the locals? ....I wonder what they do to criminals in this town. I'm not really seeing this as being the hang 'em high kinda place. Unless the nooses are made of licorace or something. Geez. It's like the Valentine's section at a department store exploded. Or we docked in a Disney movie and, by the way? If anyone breaks into song, I'm... No, I'm actually probably gonna laugh and consider the Admiral worthy of my undying respect. 

Also, I'm offended at this place's complete disregard for anything other than traditional couples. If this is the love port, you'd think there'd be a lot more orgies. Woodstock was better at free love than this joint and a heckuva lot less cheesy. C'mon.

Anyway. Maxxie, Rubes, Deano, JD, John-Boy, Ringo... Whoever else is out there bored out of their skulls and wandering listlessly around this joint with nothing to do... As soon as I take care of some business in the casino, I'm parking it at the bar and am not moving an inch until we leave. Wild horses covered in pink flowers will not drag me from that place, but hot local girls might. 

[OOC: And by "take care of something in the casino," he means "harrass the patrons." A LOT OF GAMBLERS ARE DICKS, OKAY? Feel free to spam, comment, do whatever you want. He has a date with Max and Ruby (not simultaneously), at some point, and a make-out session with Irene, but I'm still all open for plotting if anyone wants it. I am flexible like that.]