uberboned: ([T] Yes. I'm smokin' hot.)
[personal profile] uberboned
[Imagine if you will, this scenario. Eighteen year old Gabriel Too-Awesome-For-A-Last-Name sitting in someone's office and using the PA as his own personal voicebox to make his own personal announcements.... Okay, that's just the scenario that Gabriel is imagining in his currently extremely fluffy head, because it would be so cool if he'd really hijacked the PA System, but really he's just sitting in the counselor's cabin with his journal and a smugly superior tone of voice. If anyone knew what Gabriel actually sounded like here, they'd notice he sounds a little more high-pitched and a little less like he swallowed West Tennessee.]

And let's give a big round of applause for our Camp Manager. [Pause for the aforementioned applause. He can totally hear if you're not applauding.] I can assure you that the rumors that our Fearless Leader is an alien and this camp is his way of harvesting his favorite snacks- young, impressionable teenagers- are completely untrue. Those missing campers were found completely unharmed.

....I think.

[He pauses for dramatic effect.] But really, what you have to worry about isn't El Capitan in all his mysterious glory. Ohhh nooo, kids. The real problem? Is out there in the woods. Y'know, the whole... Monster thing. Buuut that's probably just a myth. Just like the alligators in the lake.

[Another pause. He bursts out laughing.] Kidding! They cleared those out last year. ....Maybe. Well, I, personally, haven't seen any, buuut.... [He shrugs, even though no one can see it. Or the comical faces he's making. Oh well.]

Anyway! Guess I should introduce myself. I'm Gabriel, one of your caring, compassionate camp counselors [ISN'T ALLITERATION FUN?], and I'm here to make sure your camping experience is the best that it can be. In fact, we're gonna start now. Don't do anything stupid to make me come down there and throw you in the lake, and I'll just... Leave you in the capable hands of some of the sticks in the mud that actually took this job for the life experience. You know who you are.

In the meantime... Ladies? You know where my cabin is. Same place it is every year. Be there. [Can you feel his eyebrow-waggling?

....No. No, we don't know how he keeps getting this job.]

Date: 2010-07-22 07:05 pm (UTC)
with_discipline: (Young; Lanyards are illogical :|)
From: [personal profile] with_discipline
Monsters do not exist. [Tie-dye versus logic: GO.]
Edited Date: 2010-07-22 07:05 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-07-22 07:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
You sure about that?

[THE ANNOYING TIE-DYE SHIRT COMMANDS YOU LISTEN TO IT. ..God, I never realized how appropriate that shirt would actually be for a summer camp flood.]

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Date: 2010-07-22 07:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com
Yeah, I'll be right down. Can I bring my gasoline and matches?

Date: 2010-07-22 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
You just invited so many really bad jokes into your life, princess. Should I start with "I like 'em fiery" and work my way down the list?

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Date: 2010-07-22 07:08 pm (UTC)
darknessb4me: ([camper] loathe)
From: [personal profile] darknessb4me
Please tell me that last part was directed to the female campers. It's been awhile since I've been able to get my father to have someone fired.

Date: 2010-07-22 07:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
They can't fire me- I'm practically tenured. I will be here until Jason Vorhees drags me kicking and screaming into the lake.

But, to answer your question, no. Gross.

Date: 2010-07-22 07:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lt-n-uhura.livejournal.com
It's too early to be scaring them. God, just leave them alone.

Date: 2010-07-22 07:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
But it's tradition! I can't break with tradition. It's... Untraditional.

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Date: 2010-07-22 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doctor-scarf.livejournal.com
Wait, there are monsters and alligators?!

Awesome.

Date: 2010-07-22 07:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
[Every year there's one that responds like that. Mwah. Hah. Hah.]

Yep! Grab a butterfly net and just knock yourself out, kiddo.

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Date: 2010-07-22 07:39 pm (UTC)
toldastory: (teen:grin)
From: [personal profile] toldastory
There really aren't any such things as aliens, are there?

Date: 2010-07-22 07:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
There could be. Between you and me, the groundskeeper here looks pretty suspicious.

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Date: 2010-07-22 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] happinessboys.livejournal.com
If you're going to make up stories, you might as well try and make them worthwhile.

Date: 2010-07-22 07:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
Here's an idea. You and the non-believer can start your own camp. You can just kill Tinkerbell all day for six weeks.

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Date: 2010-07-22 07:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charmedandperky.livejournal.com
[Well done, Gabriel, you've managed to upset the one person whose mother died in a ruddy lake at camp! She tries for a kick to the shin.]

Date: 2010-07-22 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
[HEY, IT'S NOT CAMP UNLESS HE UPSETS AT LEAST ONE PERSON. Or gets his shin kicked. He grabs her shoulders and spins her around and tries to shove her off towards... Another counselor, all while hiding his manly pain.]

Rule #1: No abusing your counselors. If the alligators come for you, don't blame me for not saving your ass, because I'm too busy being gimpy.

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Date: 2010-07-22 08:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estevezestevez.livejournal.com
Unless you've actually seen the monsters, I call bullcrap on your monsters...and tie-dye went like disco and [have a snarky little pseudo-psychic]

Date: 2010-07-22 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
Don't blame me when they crawl into your bed at night, kid. And these are camp standard.

[Actually, he just... Got thrown into the lake by too many annoyed female counselors and this is the only shirt he has left. SHUT UP, KID. YOU DON'T KNOW HIS LIFE.]

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Date: 2010-07-22 08:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] farsees.livejournal.com
I think I'd prefer being thrown in the lake over getting contact herpes just by standing next to you. I really hope you're not my counselor.

Date: 2010-07-22 08:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
Women of age. Jesus. Was that part not self-explanatory?

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Date: 2010-07-22 08:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] no-nanomites.livejournal.com
Oh, Gabriel, you never change, do you?

Date: 2010-07-22 08:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
The day I do will be the day they finally kick me out. You're still coming here?

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Private.

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Private.

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Private.

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Private.

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Private.

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Private.

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Private.-Spam/assume?

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ASSUMING'S FINE.

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Date: 2010-07-22 08:19 pm (UTC)
peektuttut: (T; C'mon Tam trust makes marriage work)
From: [personal profile] peektuttut
Quit freaking them out, man. There are probably enough of them scared of the water.

Date: 2010-07-22 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
They should be! Have you been in that lake?

...'Cause I have and lemme tell you something, that fishy smell never comes out, no matter how many times you make other people do your laundry.

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Sexy irish accent response!

Date: 2010-07-22 08:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] givesomeback.livejournal.com
What about the rumors about the counselors who only took the job as a way to get close to thirteen year old girls?

SEE GABRIEL BE ACCENT RACIST.

Date: 2010-07-22 08:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
OH MY GOD. IT'S A REAL LEPRECHAUN. Alert the media!

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Date: 2010-07-22 08:22 pm (UTC)
requiresssacrifice: (Teen - D:)
From: [personal profile] requiresssacrifice
Yay, another fun-filled summer.

Date: 2010-07-22 08:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
[HI, REX. YOUR SISTER'S HOT. The end. :|]

And now I remember which one Rex is.

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Date: 2010-07-22 08:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alwaysthequeenb.livejournal.com
Has that ever even worked? Or are you stuck alone night after night? [ God, isn't she just precious in all her I'm the Queen of the Campers glory. ]

Date: 2010-07-22 08:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
Note to self: next time specify I mean the counselors. Sorry, kiddo. Better luck when you're older.

[SEE GABRIEL. SEE HIM IGNORE EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID.]

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Date: 2010-07-22 08:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] i-excel.livejournal.com
This is stupid.

Date: 2010-07-23 04:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
Most of life is. And then you die.

There. I just removed the frame on your window of innocence. Wanna join the kid who knows everything about STD's and form a sewing circle of spite?

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Date: 2010-07-22 09:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] willkissawookie.livejournal.com
Don't get any ideas.

Date: 2010-07-23 03:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
But I have so many... Waaaait.

....camper or counselor? I've got a rep here at stake.

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video;

Date: 2010-07-22 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] triggered-it.livejournal.com
[He just stares for a moment, incredibly unnerving.]

We're teenagers. Most of us don't believe in monsters, and I find it hard to believe that there are any alligators. Even if there were, they're usually timid toward people, unless they're provoked, or they feel their nest is in danger.

[That's all he has to say.]

video;

Date: 2010-07-23 03:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
That's what the last teenager said.

[dramatic pause]

They never found his body.

video;

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Re: video;

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video;

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video;

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[video]

Date: 2010-07-22 09:40 pm (UTC)
hulk: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hulk
...Gabe. [Facepalmmmm. RESPONSIBILITY IS NOT CATCHING, DARN IT. :<] This isn- Uh. Remember what we all talked about at that counselor orientation meeting? Especially that part about, you know. How we're not here t-too, ah. Mess around with the kids' heads? Remember that part?

I mean, you kinda rolled your eyes at that part, but I'm pretty sure you remember it?

[video]

Date: 2010-07-23 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
And here's Bruce! My favorite stick-in-the-mud! Knew I could count on you, buddy. [No, he did not hear a word you just said. :|]

[video]

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Date: 2010-07-23 06:19 am (UTC)
cisskabob: (Giggly)
From: [personal profile] cisskabob
Gabe, do you have to scare the new kids every year?

Date: 2010-07-23 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] painhumbles.livejournal.com
It's how I tell the winners from the losers.

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Profile

uberboned: (Default)
Gabriel, aka The Trickster

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