042- FINALLY HAVING AN EXCUSE TO USE THESE ICONS ROCKS.

[uberboned]

[Imagine if you will, this scenario. Eighteen year old Gabriel Too-Awesome-For-A-Last-Name sitting in someone's office and using the PA as his own personal voicebox to make his own personal announcements.... Okay, that's just the scenario that Gabriel is imagining in his currently extremely fluffy head, because it would be so cool if he'd really hijacked the PA System, but really he's just sitting in the counselor's cabin with his journal and a smugly superior tone of voice. If anyone knew what Gabriel actually sounded like here, they'd notice he sounds a little more high-pitched and a little less like he swallowed West Tennessee.]

And let's give a big round of applause for our Camp Manager. [Pause for the aforementioned applause. He can totally hear if you're not applauding.] I can assure you that the rumors that our Fearless Leader is an alien and this camp is his way of harvesting his favorite snacks- young, impressionable teenagers- are completely untrue. Those missing campers were found completely unharmed.

....I think.

[He pauses for dramatic effect.] But really, what you have to worry about isn't El Capitan in all his mysterious glory. Ohhh nooo, kids. The real problem? Is out there in the woods. Y'know, the whole... Monster thing. Buuut that's probably just a myth. Just like the alligators in the lake.

[Another pause. He bursts out laughing.] Kidding! They cleared those out last year. ....Maybe. Well, I, personally, haven't seen any, buuut.... [He shrugs, even though no one can see it. Or the comical faces he's making. Oh well.]

Anyway! Guess I should introduce myself. I'm Gabriel, one of your caring, compassionate camp counselors [ISN'T ALLITERATION FUN?], and I'm here to make sure your camping experience is the best that it can be. In fact, we're gonna start now. Don't do anything stupid to make me come down there and throw you in the lake, and I'll just... Leave you in the capable hands of some of the sticks in the mud that actually took this job for the life experience. You know who you are.

In the meantime... Ladies? You know where my cabin is. Same place it is every year. Be there. [Can you feel his eyebrow-waggling?

....No. No, we don't know how he keeps getting this job.]

Comments

[with_discipline]

Monsters do not exist. [Tie-dye versus logic: GO.]

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'll be right down. Can I bring my gasoline and matches?

[darknessb4me]

Please tell me that last part was directed to the female campers. It's been awhile since I've been able to get my father to have someone fired.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

You sure about that?

[THE ANNOYING TIE-DYE SHIRT COMMANDS YOU LISTEN TO IT. ..God, I never realized how appropriate that shirt would actually be for a summer camp flood.]

[with_discipline]

Yes. Do you have proof otherwise?

[It's pretty fantastic luck. I am...enlisting aid to make T'Pol's ears pointy. :c]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

You just invited so many really bad jokes into your life, princess. Should I start with "I like 'em fiery" and work my way down the list?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

They can't fire me- I'm practically tenured. I will be here until Jason Vorhees drags me kicking and screaming into the lake.

But, to answer your question, no. Gross.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Photographic evidence of the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot.

...On the internet. It never lies, y'know.

[with_discipline]

Those are not real. You are mistaken, or lying. I hope it's the former.

[lt-n-uhura.livejournal.com]

It's too early to be scaring them. God, just leave them alone.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Where's your proof, kiddo? Did you go to Nessie Isn't Real And All Your Childhood Dreams Are A Sham summer camp last year?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

But it's tradition! I can't break with tradition. It's... Untraditional.

[lt-n-uhura.livejournal.com]

Non-traditional. There is no such word as untraditional.

[with_discipline]

How is the Loch Ness Monster a childhood dream?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

I made it up. Just now.

[gotgreenmagic.livejournal.com]

I don't know, how attached are you to your unbroken fingers?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

What? Kids can't love Nessie?

[lt-n-uhura.livejournal.com]

You can't just make up words. You're not the...word maker...person.

[with_discipline]

It does not exist.

[doctor-scarf.livejournal.com]

Wait, there are monsters and alligators?!

Awesome.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

That depends. Have you seen the nurse this year? Is she hot?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Hey! When the English language beat up all the other languages and then rifled their pockets for spare vocabulary, there had to be some other guy going, "Well, what about this word?" I could be that guy! You never know.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[Every year there's one that responds like that. Mwah. Hah. Hah.]

Yep! Grab a butterfly net and just knock yourself out, kiddo.

[lt-n-uhura.livejournal.com]

Untraditional doesn't even sound good. It sounds stupid.

[doctor-scarf.livejournal.com]

[This is the Doctor. He will find those monsters, dammit.]

You can't stop an alligator with a butterfly net. Everyone knows that. It's good for catching bugs and snakes, but not gators.