042- FINALLY HAVING AN EXCUSE TO USE THESE ICONS ROCKS.

[uberboned]

[Imagine if you will, this scenario. Eighteen year old Gabriel Too-Awesome-For-A-Last-Name sitting in someone's office and using the PA as his own personal voicebox to make his own personal announcements.... Okay, that's just the scenario that Gabriel is imagining in his currently extremely fluffy head, because it would be so cool if he'd really hijacked the PA System, but really he's just sitting in the counselor's cabin with his journal and a smugly superior tone of voice. If anyone knew what Gabriel actually sounded like here, they'd notice he sounds a little more high-pitched and a little less like he swallowed West Tennessee.]

And let's give a big round of applause for our Camp Manager. [Pause for the aforementioned applause. He can totally hear if you're not applauding.] I can assure you that the rumors that our Fearless Leader is an alien and this camp is his way of harvesting his favorite snacks- young, impressionable teenagers- are completely untrue. Those missing campers were found completely unharmed.

....I think.

[He pauses for dramatic effect.] But really, what you have to worry about isn't El Capitan in all his mysterious glory. Ohhh nooo, kids. The real problem? Is out there in the woods. Y'know, the whole... Monster thing. Buuut that's probably just a myth. Just like the alligators in the lake.

[Another pause. He bursts out laughing.] Kidding! They cleared those out last year. ....Maybe. Well, I, personally, haven't seen any, buuut.... [He shrugs, even though no one can see it. Or the comical faces he's making. Oh well.]

Anyway! Guess I should introduce myself. I'm Gabriel, one of your caring, compassionate camp counselors [ISN'T ALLITERATION FUN?], and I'm here to make sure your camping experience is the best that it can be. In fact, we're gonna start now. Don't do anything stupid to make me come down there and throw you in the lake, and I'll just... Leave you in the capable hands of some of the sticks in the mud that actually took this job for the life experience. You know who you are.

In the meantime... Ladies? You know where my cabin is. Same place it is every year. Be there. [Can you feel his eyebrow-waggling?

....No. No, we don't know how he keeps getting this job.]

Comments

[estevezestevez.livejournal.com]

Unless you've actually seen the monsters, I call bullcrap on your monsters...and tie-dye went like disco and [have a snarky little pseudo-psychic]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Don't blame me when they crawl into your bed at night, kid. And these are camp standard.

[Actually, he just... Got thrown into the lake by too many annoyed female counselors and this is the only shirt he has left. SHUT UP, KID. YOU DON'T KNOW HIS LIFE.]

[estevezestevez.livejournal.com]

I'll give you a scream. And does the Billy Ray mullet come standard too or is that just your way of being awesome? I don't think girls like that anymore.

[HE PROLLY DOESN'T WANT TO]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

It's not a mullet!

[THIS IS CLEARLY THE ONLY IMPORTANT PART OF WHAT YOU SAID.]

[estevezestevez.livejournal.com]

It's a fish haircut and girls prefer something that doesn't remind about dinner or the beloved house pet they had to flush down the toilet because they didn't feed it in time.

You're a nerdy counselor, aren't you? Total virgin! [Little Shawn is speaking out of place]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

It's fluffy They can run their fingers thro- OH SCREW YOU, KID. I've gotten so much tail at this camp alone, I'm shocked Jason's mom hasn't risen from the grave and shived my ass.

[He probably shouldn't be yelling that. :|]