042- FINALLY HAVING AN EXCUSE TO USE THESE ICONS ROCKS.

[uberboned]

[Imagine if you will, this scenario. Eighteen year old Gabriel Too-Awesome-For-A-Last-Name sitting in someone's office and using the PA as his own personal voicebox to make his own personal announcements.... Okay, that's just the scenario that Gabriel is imagining in his currently extremely fluffy head, because it would be so cool if he'd really hijacked the PA System, but really he's just sitting in the counselor's cabin with his journal and a smugly superior tone of voice. If anyone knew what Gabriel actually sounded like here, they'd notice he sounds a little more high-pitched and a little less like he swallowed West Tennessee.]

And let's give a big round of applause for our Camp Manager. [Pause for the aforementioned applause. He can totally hear if you're not applauding.] I can assure you that the rumors that our Fearless Leader is an alien and this camp is his way of harvesting his favorite snacks- young, impressionable teenagers- are completely untrue. Those missing campers were found completely unharmed.

....I think.

[He pauses for dramatic effect.] But really, what you have to worry about isn't El Capitan in all his mysterious glory. Ohhh nooo, kids. The real problem? Is out there in the woods. Y'know, the whole... Monster thing. Buuut that's probably just a myth. Just like the alligators in the lake.

[Another pause. He bursts out laughing.] Kidding! They cleared those out last year. ....Maybe. Well, I, personally, haven't seen any, buuut.... [He shrugs, even though no one can see it. Or the comical faces he's making. Oh well.]

Anyway! Guess I should introduce myself. I'm Gabriel, one of your caring, compassionate camp counselors [ISN'T ALLITERATION FUN?], and I'm here to make sure your camping experience is the best that it can be. In fact, we're gonna start now. Don't do anything stupid to make me come down there and throw you in the lake, and I'll just... Leave you in the capable hands of some of the sticks in the mud that actually took this job for the life experience. You know who you are.

In the meantime... Ladies? You know where my cabin is. Same place it is every year. Be there. [Can you feel his eyebrow-waggling?

....No. No, we don't know how he keeps getting this job.]

Comments

[toldastory]

There really aren't any such things as aliens, are there?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

There could be. Between you and me, the groundskeeper here looks pretty suspicious.

[toldastory]

Uh huh. So, Gabe, what's there to do for fun around here?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

It's the great outdoors! The world is your playground.... Or, uh, something. They didn't hire me for my sales pitch.

Also, we have really violent games of Capture the Flag. It gets intense. Wear a helmet.

[toldastory]

That's such baby stuff.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

You haven't seen Tony's obstacle courses.

[toldastory]

Could you die?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[Long... Long pause. Weeeell, Tony does get really into those Rube Goldberg devices.]

....In a Final Destination-y way, yeah.

[toldastory]

Okay. See, now that's cool.

Also, hi! I'm Martha.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Hi, Martha. Welcome to Camp. May many... Near death experiences await you. [If you could see him, he'd totally be saluting right now, but it's still voice and he's too lazy to switch. Just... Imagine a salute here.]

[toldastory]

Thanks. I'm excited.