uberboned: (That rare moment of sorrow)
ExpandLengthy introspection. Cut for necessary tl;dr. )

The more bullshit that came out of making that announcement, the more irritated he became with himself, until eventually locking himself in his room and waiting for more vitriol and asspats to come out of it just made him want to hurl his journal against the wall. He wasn't looking for sympathy. He wasn't looking to play the moral high ground. He was looking to manage to keep a tenable hold on the last thing he had left, which was the fact that no matter what he became, no matter how far he sank, he wasn't a monster. Whatever. Like he really cared. Like he was really here looking for anything other than a way out that he was too cowardly to get himself.

He wandered up onto the deck, putting himself as far away from everything as he could, and planted his hands on the railing, staring out into the nothing, a light breeze ruffling his hair slightly. He was stuck here- one way or another, he was stuck here. He was gonna have to keep going, biting down his irritation at being stuck in one place sandwiched between people he couldn't stand and people he knew he'd miss when this was all over and he had to go back.

Killing you would be like euthanasia. Putting down a rabid dog. You're nothing like them. They look down from heaven, see who you are and what you've done, shake their heads and say 'Hopless. Case.'

It's a cycle. It's why he never let himself care that much about anything since his family, because that was where it always ended up, wasn't it?

An archangel stood on the deck of the Barge, braced against the railing, and wondered if any part of this was going to get better.
uberboned: (Obligatory ancient and forever face)
[There's a lot of starts and stops, like Gabe's prepared to record something and then just changes his mind, only to repeat the process a few times before finally just... Word vomiting.]

Say there's a guy. Just... An average guy. The kinda guy who goes out and routinely beats his wife on a daily basis, but no one knows about it. Maybe his wife's not a talker, maybe he's got influence and power... Whatever. No one ever gets the whole story and, basically.. He gets away with it. And he'll keep at it until he kills her.

Say you know enough to take that guy out before it gets that far.

People call it divine judgment or some asshole gettin' his kicks outta makin' people who deserve it suffer for what they've done. And I take it a step further than vigilante justice and I know it- I screw with people and I like it. I'm not exactly getting up here to tell you people that I'm a paragon of morality, 'cause I'm not. Not even by an angel's standards. I don't think I'm better 'cause I'm an angel. 

I don't think I'm better at all.

But I'm not a monster. Okay? So let's get that cleared up right now, in case anyone had any doubts.

There's your public service announcement. We'll get back to your regularly scheduled programming next time. Just had to get that out there.

[[OOC: YEAH, SO GABE KINDA KEEPS HAVING HORRIBLE CONVERSATIONS WITH BELA. And they make him realize that he, apparently, GIVES OFF A CERTAIN IMPRESSION. And, honestly, he wouldn't care, except that he feels like this means people have expectations or assign more meaning to his opinions than they should. Bela intentionally went out of her way to keep him from getting at her, which made him go "UM. OKAY? WHY WOULD YOU THINK I CARE SO MUCH?" and "....kjhdska DO YOU THINK I'M THAT BAD THAT YOU NEEDED TO DO THAT?" simultaneously. Basically, Gabe is having a moment that's making him go back and actually THINK on his actions and behaviors for once. It'll pass.]]

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Gabriel, aka The Trickster

January 2014

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