IC CONTACT POST

[uberboned]

[A woman's voice comes over the line.]

You've reached the Trickster's voicemail. Unfortunately, Mr. Trickster isn't available to take your call, nor will he likely ever be. Should you still wish to leave a message, please respond after the tone, and maybe we'll remember to get it to him, mmkay?

[Beep]

[[OOC: This is an IC voicemail post for all verses games. Please put the name of the verse/game you want in the subject heading.]]

Comments

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Seeing me with a daughter? [She gives him a look.]

Ahiru has you running around in circles. Our little abomination's going to have you whipped more than I could ever dream of.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

....You forgot Maya. She's just more low-maintenance. [Facefall. Damn, he is a sucker for a little girl.]

And we're never getting a cat. Nothing that even vaguely resembles a cat. If the kid goes near something cat-like, I'm gonna lose it.

[...Oh wait. He's talking like they're keeping it. Fuckberries.]

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Either a reference just went right over my head or you're just talking like that because you're in shock.

[She motions for him to sit down next to her.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[He flops down unceremoniously. Kyubey apparently ilicits this reaction.] Ahiru's contract's held by some demonic self-cannibalizing cat freak that will not die.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[She leans her head on his shoulder.]

I find the term "cat freak" racist and derogatory.

[She sighs.] How many times did you try killing it?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

It was definitely not your soul brother, so you can rest easy. [He huffs at that and holds up five fingers.]

Five. I had to stop because it was getting close to midnight and I was worried what damage letting it eat itself after that could do.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[Jinx takes his hand and kisses the tip of every one of those fingers.]

That sounds horrible. Do you know why Ahiru made a contract with this thing?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

To keep everyone safe and happy. [He can't even do a passable imitation of a pre-teen girl, but he can make his voice high and girly.] I tried to give her the free will speech, but she was having none of it. And I think she hates me now... Except she doesn't hate anyone, so it's really complicated.

[He sighs and wraps his other hand around hers.] I'm not really that good a paternal figure- I haven't exactly been the greatest older brother all these years and then there's that whole 'absent Dad' thing... I mean, look how bad the Winchesters are screwed up.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Damn it, Ahiru. [She growls and shakes her head.] I'll try talking to her. I am her mentor. Or something.

[She sighs and looks down at their connected hands.]

Well, you've got one thing going for you. There's no way in hell I'm letting you run away from this one. If you so much as try, I'll find you... [Looking back up, she gives him her best serious mobster face.] And I will make you pay>

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

And I wouldn't want that. I've seen your dungeon. [He pouted a little and then kissed her nose.] I'm gonna miss your dungeon.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Where in the book does it say I have to bequeath the dungeon? [She glares, crinkling her nose.]

I am never giving up my rights to tie you up and break out the leather.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Do they make maternity dominatrix outfits? [He wrinkles his nose right at her] We could have just invented a new kink.

[Annnd that just makes him snort] This kid is gonna be so screwed up.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[Groaning, she rolls her eyes and lets go of his hand. But it's not long before she straddles his lap, draping her arms over his shoulders.]

We didn't. Believe me. It already exists.

[A frown.] Our sex life aside, she's going to have it rough. No matter what. I've been....praying that she looks more like you than me. [Legitimately praying.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

There really is a kink for everything. Sex was the original iPhone. [And he is not complaining one bit about Jinx in his lap. Nope. In fact, he leans back a bit.

At that comment, he kisses her on the forehead and then down to the tip of her nose.] I like how you look. And she should have your eyes.

[Dammit, Gabriel. You are really losing this fight.]

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

No, no, no, no, no. My little girl is not having cat jokes made at her for the rest of her life.

[Her little girl. This was weird. Really, really weird. Her nose crinkles at that kiss and she pouts at him.]

I want her to have everything I never did. Like a tan.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Okay. Ixnay on your features, which look damn good on you, by the way. [He kisses her on the neck.] Just don't become one of those creepy pageant moms.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[She muffles a groan by biting her bottom lip as he kisses her neck.]

Don't worry. I'll be worse. I'll dress her in costumes and make her study The Art of War. [Grabbing him lightly by the back of his head, she presses his lips back up against her neck.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

She's gonna beat Drew Barrymore for most dysfunctional girl still wearing ribbons in her hair. [His voice is muffled by his lips on her neck, but the words are clear enough between kissing and sucking.]

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Then she'll be the only girl going into kindergarten with a pediatrician, a therapist, and a support group. [Which she said while panting and swallowing. Her hand fists in his hair and she grabs one of his shoulders. Head tilting back, she exposes more neck for him.]

Every kid wants to be unique, right?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

More like traumatized and resentful, but, hey, with family like ours... [He moved upwards so that he could nibble on her ear.] These things happen. No one's gonna fault us for our family bullshit.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[Oh, he knows her body well. Ear nibbling is just the right thing to make her shiver.]

Every member of her family is a psychotic murderer in one way or another. If she doesn't snap and turn us all in by the age of 12, I'll be impressed.

[Her claws dig into his shoulder.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

We're gonna have to keep her away from all well-meaning superhero boys. [He growls against her neck and slides his hands around her waist and up her shirt.] You know how those boys are. [He moves to kiss her lips, nipping her lower lip lightly.] Only one thing on their minds.

[He hooks his free hand around the back of her neck while the other traces lazy circles along the edge of her spine.] Salvation. They're like overly gelled-up Jehovah's Witnesses.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

We'll beat the speedsters off her--nngh--with a stick.

[She takes a moment to kiss him again. By this point, she's ruined the shoulder of his shirt. The fabric is in shreds.]

It's your job to make sure she'll never have our level of daddy issues. [Now it's her turn to molest his neck.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Speedsters. Batman's creepy pedophilia den sidekicks-mmph. Basically anything with a heart of gold and a dick. [He cranes his neck a bit and growls suggestively.] And it's your job to make sure she doesn't do things like that... You, however? You can keep doing that.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Heart of gold? Dick? Got it. [She bites down gently on his neck and purrs.]

Cross your fingers and pray to Daddy she's a lesbian. [Which praying is the last thing he'll want to do with his girlfriend practically tonguing his ear.]