009- LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS... You know the rest.

[uberboned]

Hey, Barge. Did you hear? It's been quiet. Too quiet.

I just thought you all should know that, 'cause I'm sure if someone doesn't say it every ten seconds, it'll lose its effect or something.

[Private to Irene]

Congratulations, princess! You've won a free lesson in humility! I'm sure you're wondering what that means. Well, I'm gonna tell you, but first I gotta ask you one simple question.

How do you feel about food service?

Please note that your answer will not actually affect my decision.

Comments

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

Pretty much why I've been trying so hard to stay outta trouble. I don't do so well in any kind of confined space. Being in the slammer for a whole week would just be... [She trails off, but eventually finishes.] Not good.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

We're morally gray and suffering together on the good ship Lollipop. Greatest life ever. Not that I can complain, since I chose this, but my options sucked at the time. [He trails off too, kinda lost in the massage.] So... Y'know. Lower my options and be a Warden or watch the world burn. Great choices there.

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[That quiets her a little. She really does feel guilty about her part in the whole thing.] Can I ask you something?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[Still massaging.] Shoot.

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[And she enjoys that massage. She's just more focused on how to word what she wants to ask.] Misguided loyalty aside, what I did...it's not something most would just brush off. How do you do that?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[He stops massaging her back for a moment, clearly perplexed.] How'd I do what? Just up and leave?

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

No. How do you...not hate me?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Oh. [Long pause.] 'Cause I screwed up just as badly? I knew what was happening the whole time and all I did was stick Sammy in a time loop in the hopes that maybe he'd get it through his skull that he was headed down the wrong road. At any point after that, I could have stepped in and said, "Boys, look, this is where you're going." And I didn't do a damn thing. [He exhales.] So the way I figure it, people in glass houses don't need to be hurling rocks.

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[She nods, and there's another long pause before she props herself up on her elbows and turns her head to look at him over her shoulder.] Do you think I can be redeemed?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

I think love, loyalty, and devotion are three emotions that're way too powerful for their own good and get used in the wrong way, more often than not. But if they can drive you to do something bad, what's keeping them from driving you to something good. [He pats her on the shoulder.] So there's your morality lesson. Don't let anyone tell you that I suck at being a Warden, 'cause bad as I am... I've been around the block a few times.

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[She grins at him.] You know I don't listen to anyone when it comes to you, right?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[He grins back.] Probably for the best. Most of it's true and the parts that aren't, I probably wish were." [He pats her shoulder again.] C'mon, Rubes. I can keep going. It'll be like you don't even have a spine.

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[Ruby lets herself flop back down, hair fanning out around her.] Forget favorite angel. You could be my BFF, hands down.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[AND BACK TO MASSAGING HE GOES.] Yeah? Well, I'll be sure to tell everyone else on the Barge that the position's been filled and no other applicants need apply. Which is my way of saying, same to you, princess. You're not so bad for a demon. [He squeezes her shoulder to point out that HE IS TEASING.]

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[She laughs because she knows he is.] You're not so bad for an angel. Or maybe you are and I'm too charmed to notice.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Guess it depends on where you stand on the whole "how angels are supposed to be" thing, but I swear I'm not leading you into a false sense of security so I can stealth-smite you or anything.

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[There goes another of those noises. GDI.] You wouldn't hurt me, not really. You love me too much.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[HE'S JUST THAT GOOD.] Yep. Annnd I think you just hit the nail on every one of my problems in life.

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

What? You love too much?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[Annnd massaging stops. 'Cause... Yeah. HELLO AWKWARD SILENCE, HOW ARE YOU? Eventually, Gabe puts on a "IT'S FINE" face and shrugs it off, like this is nothing and he's all nonchalant and shit.] Yep. It's kind of a problem.

[THIS SURPRISING REVELATION BROUGHT TO YOU BY... SOMETHING.]

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[Ruby knows it's NOT fine. She just knows, okay, don't ask why. Oh, but it's got nothing to do with the fact that she does the same damn thing. NOPE. NOT AT ALL.]

Yeah, well, join the club, we've got jackets. And with you, we'll have cookies like the Girl Scouts.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[AVOIDANCE: IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER.]

And we'll never sell a box, because I'll eat them all. [THIS IS WHY HE LIKES YOU, RUBY. YOU DON'T MAKE HIM CONFRONT HIS SHIT. BEST FRIEND EVER.]

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

Sharing is caring, but look at that, we don't care. [SHE PROBABLY WILL. EVENTUALLY. BUT IT'LL TAKE A WHILE, AND SHE'LL TRY TO BE SNEAKY ABOUT IT. YOU'RE SAFE FOR NOW, GABBY.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

More for us! [Insert eyebrow waggle here. ALSOGABE THINKS HOW ABOUT WE DON'T AND SAY HE GAVE YOU A REALLY AWESOME MASSAGE. NOW THAT THE DANGER OF OMG SHARING IS PASSED, HE'S TOTALLY GOING TO GO BACK TO THAT NOW. CAPSLOCK NARRATION IS THE BEST.]

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

[TOTALLY THE BEST! AND A TOTALLY AWESOME MASSAGE, TOO.

But, subject change.] How's the inmate?