020- (Voice) Gabe is still the most unhelpful angel on the Barge

[uberboned]

Okay! So everyone's getting a bit twitchy over this whole 'we're trapped on a boat with a bunch of starving vampires' thing. I get it. We all look like meals on wheels to you bloodsuckers right now, but just remember that people are friends not food. Repeat it to yourself. Cross-stitch it onto a pillow. I bet some of you guys could use the distraction right now. Go ahead. Cross-stitch away. It's a great hobby.

And, for the record, drinking angel blood is like drinking Drain-o. So don't try it... Unless you want to be hungry and convulsing on the floor with killer indigestion. Hah! See what I did there? 'Cause it... Never mind.

[Private to Max, added later.]

I'm coming over. I need to talk to you. And you don't get to say no.

Comments

[private] delightfully drawn out.

[youdaman.livejournal.com]

[NINJA!SPAM]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[Hi, Max. Have a Gabe. LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE FORGOT TO TELL THE ADMIRAL TO BLOCK THE ENTRANCE TO YOUR ROOM AGAAAIN.]

Sorry. That was the wrong answer. But thanks for playing, anyway.

[NINJA!SPAM]

[youdaman.livejournal.com]

[Max just flips her journal shut and moves to the opposite side of the room, arms crissity crossed.] Why are you here, Gabe?

[vampish_aleera]

You speak falsely.

It was most satisfying, when last I consumed it...

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

....Okay.

That's not creepy at all.

[vampish_aleera]

Merely to inform, Sir!

Why do you speak of angels...?

[subtlescience]

By all means, please continue antagonizing the hungry predators.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

I'm suggesting healthy alternatives to eating people. Give a vamp some blood and they'll be hungry again in an hour. Teach a vamp to crochet and they'll have something to distract 'em until they forget they were hungry.

[subtlescience]

And when they remember that they're hungry again? I can't imagine a vampire would be willing to crochet for eternity, and they do tend to get violent the longer they go without feeding.

Private

[yousethimfree.livejournal.com]

I'm going stir crazy. You're taking me out. [Notice it's not a suggestion.]

Private

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Demanding. I love it. Where d'you wanna go?

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

Antagonising them isn't going to help.

I do recommend cross-stitch, though. Vampires in my world get very... into their hobbies.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

I'm not antagonizing! That's how I talk. I can't help it if I've got an antagonistic personality.

[amagicalmystery.livejournal.com]

You having fun teasin' the things with teeth? It'll bite you same as the rest of us, no pun.

[thoughtful pause]

Any of them even Warden enough to restrain themselves?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd like to see one hold me down long enough to try.

Well, if they ain't, we got Wardens who can restrain 'em if they have to.

[fuckwisconsin.livejournal.com]

Hey, I totally thought it'd be like Drain-o, too. It only makes sense. But no. Apparently not. How long can you bleed for? I think I can bleed for a while, no problem, but it's not like I ever tried.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

...Never tried either. Don't actually intend to find out. I heal fast though, so I don't think bleedin' out's ever been a problem before.

[tadwizard.livejournal.com]

I think everyone's been handling this pretty well, actually.

Gabe secretly loves everyone on the Barge. Really. :|

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Shhh-shh-shhh. I can't lord my superiority over a complacent crowd, Tony.

[deathmerciful.livejournal.com]

There are some of us to which holy relics hold no power. You are cruel to taunt us in such a way when we are only victims of our nature.

Because that was clearly the important part of your statement, Louis.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Hey! I'm not a relic!

[cantrunfromme.livejournal.com]

Not offering yourself up as a blood sack, Gabby? How uncharitable of you.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Woe to the vampires, Al. Mine has an extra kick to it and the last thing I need is to become the new drug of choice around here. You'll just have to keep those images of me bleeding out somewhere to your sick imagination.

[sonotahunter.livejournal.com]

Is the consistency of your blood a result of dietary deficiency or pure abnormality?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

It's a result of me being too holy for this Barge.