uberboned | 008: FORCED OUT OF THE ANGEL CLOSET. THANKS, ADMIRAL.

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008: FORCED OUT OF THE ANGEL CLOSET. THANKS, ADMIRAL.

[SO GABE'S A LITTLE ANNOYED, considering, you know, the Admiral revealed his ~~secret identity~~ and all that and Max is pissed at him. So here, Barge, have a grumpy archangel, officially coming out of the angel closet.]

OKAY. I GET IT. For the five people who didn't pay attention to the Admiral's announcement, yes, I'm actually Gabriel. Yep. That one. If the halo fits and all that. And y'know, there was a perfectly good reason for the deception, 'cause I don't like going around telling people I'm an archangel. It's a personal thing and not a "let's play a massive joke on the Barge to see if they'll buy it" thing. Okay? Okay.

And before I get a hundred questions about the same damn thing, lemme clear some stuff up for you guys.

1. Yes, I have wings. My vessel, unfortunately, does not, so no you can't see them, unless you're not that fond of your eyes.

2. I have never, in my entire billions of years in existence, had Shirley temple curls. Okay?

3. The Virgin Mary has a wicked right cross. True story.

4. No, you don't get to know why I'm pretending to be a Trickster. That information's on a need to know basis, and, look at that! You people don't need to know.

Hope that clears everything up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, okay. You got it, Azi. No poking the nice Christian.

Thank you. I'm convinced there's some angel left in you after all.

Blink and you'll miss it, bro. I just don't hurt people who don't deserve it, if I can help it.

I just won't blink while I talk to you, then.

Okay, but if I reserve the right to snap my fingers in your face until you do, because that's creepy. Castiel does that. I don't think he knows how eyelids work.

Er. I assume you knew him when he was an angel, then? When he was here he was human.

And I did mean that metaphorically. I've been on Earth long enough not to have my head still in the clouds, if you understand the reference.

He's my kid brother, so... Yeah. I heard about that too. My mind's still a little blown by the concept. Last I saw him, he barely knew how a cell phone worked, much less anything about drugs.

Drugs? Oh... my. I think I missed that phase.

On another note, you all seem much more fraternal than the angels on my Earth. I suppose you'd have to be with - everything that's going on, but was it always that way? I was the guardian at Eden, you see, and since then I've forever been on Earth. I've never really had... brethren in that sense. Just Crowley.

You'd think we wouldn't be, considering there's a hundred million of us, but we managed. It just kinda fell to the wayside after awhile. We started out close, Lucifer got uppity about humans and started the damn war so it was him against Michael and I just kinda... Left, after that. Loved 'em too much to watch 'em tear each other down.

[CONGRATS, AZ. YOU GET TO BE THE FIRST PERSON BESIDES THE WINCHESTERS WHO KNOW THAT STORY. FEEL HONORED.]

Huh. There's a demon in my neck of the woods named Crowley. Nice guy... Y'know, for a demon. Not that I'm as racist as half the family.

--Is there really? Wears sunglasses, drives an outrageous car?

But... yes, I'm not sure I could withstand a - a war of that caliber myself. I don't have any idea what I'd do, especially if I were as personally invested with each other as you all were and are. I've always been so separate from the angelic hierarchy, the only field agent, as it were: I'm something of an anomaly. I could never imagine having anything like this conversation with my own Gabriel, for instance. He'd have already found me at fault.

Nah. He's a crossroads demon. They don't get out much.

Well, lucky for you, I only find fault in humans making utter dicks outta themselves. And heck, I can't even remember the last time I talked to another angel that wasn't Castiel or Anna. It was either eternal loneliness or eternal damnation for disobedience after that. Damned if I do, damned if I don't has never been so apt.

'Crossroads demon'?

Er, quite. Sometimes I almost find myself jealous of humans for having so much potential. It's quite novel to be able to pick up and leave as you like, you know? We tend to get frightfully boxed in, especially when you consider how eternal an eternity is.

Y'know when people say they sold their souls to the devil? They're actually selling their souls off to those guys. They make bargains.

Tell me about it. Best thing about going rouge was the illusion of free will, but even I'm not immune to the fact that Daddy's divine plan's always underfoot. This place? It's a lot better for my sanity than what I left back home.

Oh, I see. You have specific types of demons for that? The Crowley I know tends to be far more insidious. Aggravating traffic patterns are more his style.

Ah yes, the Plan. You really do have to assume it's ineffable or it all starts to look very disturbing, to say the least. I am actually enjoying my time here as well for much the same reason, though - it's rather lovely not to have to keep to an imaginary schedule.

Yep. Our demons are just a big bunch of party animals. Not even they like it in Hell... Well, most of 'em, but you get a few weirdos in every crowd.

Exactly! It was getting way too hard to hide in plain sight with the apocalypse breathing down my neck and if I left Heaven to get away from Lucy and Mike's sibling rivalry, I sure as sunshine was gonna take the first boat outta Dodge when they moved their fighting to my turf.

From what Crowley's insinuated it really is awful there, which suits, except that all of the other demons seem perfectly happy to stay there for eternity and only come up to garner more souls for their cause. It's all very trite.

The whole situation makes me frightfully uncomfortable even to hear it described, I will admit.

Better to be a sherrif on this rocker than a pawn over there, that's for sure. Uncomfortable is putting it nicely.

I'm not sure we're necessarily supposed to be sheriffs... And I do try to be nice.

I didn't mean it literally, Azi.

You could always call me Aziraphale...

I could, but that don't mean I want to.

Do you have to take pride in being difficult?

Can't help it. It's habit by now.

Which is a sin, but it's an archangel sinning, which I have no authority to do anything about, and it makes the whole situation very strange.

Three words: Pagan. God. Vessel.

I'm about tapped out on my sin quota.

008: FORCED OUT OF THE ANGEL CLOSET. THANKS, ADMIRAL.

[Private]

[Private] LOL HE'S SO PROUD OF HIM

[Private] HE'S GOT STANDARDS

[Private] AZ IS SUDDENLY REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT, IDEK

[Private] XD BOOOYS.

[Private] lol abrupt BFF? idk. Az likes him <3

[Private] GABE LIKES HIM TOO. HE'S HIS BRUTHA FROM ANOTHA MOTHA. :| XD <33

[Private] d'awww, BOYS <3

[Private] GABE'S A FAMILY GUY AT HEART, MAN. He loff his brothers.

[Private] I didn't even realize Az felt left out until now, so this'll be interesting!

[Private] BAW AZ. IT'S OKAY. YOU GET THE ANNOYING BIG BROTHER YOU /NEVER HAD/ NOW. YAY FOR YOU.

[Private] I'll be really entertained if he starts to automatically defer to him XDD

[Private] XDD GABE WILL NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO THAT. "...I dunno? WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?"

[Private] BECAUSE YOU'RE THE RESIDENT ARCHANGEL :( Az enjoys structure. BE RESPONSIBLE, GABE.

[Private] BUT GABE LIKES HIS CHAOS. D: DON'T MAKE HIM GROW UP, YOU BIG MEANIE.

[Private] sorry, that's his role in life - to make people grow up xD

[Private] PFFT. You're gonna make an honest angel out of him, bro. :|

[Private] HE WILL BE VERY PROUD OF HIMSELF IF HE DOES

[Private] XD I'M SURE HE WILL. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

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[Private] WHICH ONE OF YOU IS OLDER AGAIN? :|

[Private] I think infinite is the same age, dear

[Private] XD Gabe will still insist he's older.

[Private] Az says that's factually inaccurate, and also petty

[Private] GABE SAYS YOUR FACE IS FACTUALLY INACCURATE. ...Yeah, petty's a good word for it. :|

[Private] it is, actually, factually inaccurate XD lol vessels

[Private] STEPHEN FRY IS THE BEST VESSEL.

[Private] this milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

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