uberboned | 001 (Voice)

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001 (Voice)

[While the Winchesters are away, the Tricksters will play, apparently. THE BARGE HAS TIMING. :| Hope your ears love the sultry sound of loud-mouthed demigods/archangels with slight southern drawls, residents of the Barge, because that's what you're getting. And there is nothing in the tone of this that does not scream SNARK.]

GOOD MORNIN', VIET-NAM.

Or afternoon. Or, for all I know, half-past midnight. I don't believe in clocks. Anyway.

Hi! I'm the newest sherrif on this Love Boat. One of you lucky sons of bitches will eventually be mine to mold into whatever amounts to a productive, functional member of society. Lucky you! For the rest of you, juuust get used to the sound of this voice, kids, 'cause you're gonna be hearing a lot of it.

I could go on, tell you all a few things about me, and we can all have a nice, little sharing circle, buuuut I'm not that kinda guy. Sorry. A man's gotta have a little mystery about him. In this case, a lot.

But, hey, I'm here for all you losers. That's the deal I made and I live up to my deals. Think of me as your own personal pagan deity. So if you really need and/or want me, look me up sometime. It's Trickster, comma, the. Thank you and good night.

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[The laughter couldn't be avoided.] An archangel. You know we had one of those here not too long ago. Michael, I think his name was? I don't know, it was a flood, and I wasn't really myself.

[And, in true Gabriel fashion, he was just going to react to that the same way he reacts to everything- with a smarmface. Inside, he's twitching. Violently.]

If the pagan deity get-up didn't tip you off already, precious, I ain't exactly in Michael's Top Five. So if you're looking for righteous archangel fury and divine retribution, you met the wrong angel for drinks.

[She shrugged.] Hakuna matata.

[She gave him a quick once over, using just her eyes. She trusted he was telling the truth about himself. She didn't feel compelled to give up the truth about herself just from that, but considering this from all angles, it would probably be better to just come out with it.]

I'm Ruby. That Ruby.

[Of course she was, because of all the demons in all the world, the one that manipulated Sammy-Boy would be the one on this Barge. (Wait until he hears about Alastair.) Apparently, it wasn't as easy getting away from it all as he'd been led to believe.

Whatever. He shrugged right back.] It's our problem-free philosophy. And if I weren't retired from the whole Apocalypse thing, I'd probably be pissed at you about now, but what-the-heck-ever. The Barge will not sink. The Apocalypse rages on back home. And all I'm thinkin' right now is whether or not the bar serves those giant blue margarita things.

They've got a blue barkeep, if he's up there. [Her awesome blue brother that made her smile.] By the way, try to stay away from Level 2 as much as you can. That's where Alastair is.

Lemme guess. That'd be Kurt?

[Still not twitching. Nope. Just keep smirking, just keep smirking. ThisbargewasdestinedtomakehimwrithesweartoDad.]

[Enjoy the smarm] ...Is there anyone else here who's gonna get under my skin that I should know about? Like... I dunno. Anyone else even slightly connected to the Apocalypse? It's not much of a vacation if this is the Society For People Who Failed To Prevent And/Or Brought About the End of the Known World.

Yep, the elf of awesome. [No, she's not gonna hide her love for Kurt.

She's onto your inward twitch, though, angelface.]

Dean, Sam, Jo...I think John Boy might be here too. [Insert a sigh here.] Cas is gone, though. I miss that poor bastard.

[THE TWITCH IS A LIE. TOTALLY A LIE. LIKE CAKE.. Oooh cake.

Here, have the resigned flailing of an archangel whose vacation plans suck.]

Fantastic. I'm sure Dean and Sam'll be thrilled to see me knockin' around. [As thrilled as he'll be to see them, the little pyromaniac fuckers. OH, BUT HE WILL HIDE HIS DISSATISFACTION LIKE A GOOD AVOIDANT ANGEL.]

Okay. The only thing to do right now? Is drink until I have to be all responsible and stuff. So your fuzzy blue elf buddy better make a mean mixed drink.

[She likes you. This is bad news.]

Let's go find out. Lead the way, Gabby. [Yes. Yes that's your new nickname. Deal with it.]

[Bad news for everyone else on the Barge, maybe.

And oh how he's leading. With good-natured eyerolling in.]

Y'know, Gabby and Ruby doesn't have the same kick to it that Skip and Kristy did.

Sorry, you're not gettin' that back.

Because Skip and Gabby are both completely dignified names to go by. [Thoughtful pause.] Although, Gabby and Ruby sounds almost like the title to a 70's cop show.

[AND IN THE DRAMATIC ANNOUNCER VOICE THAT HE IS SO GOOD AT DOING.] She's a demon, formerly Lucifer's right-hand and currently seeking redemption. He's an archangel, on the run from his family and hiding in a pagan god. Together... They fight crime! [Pause. And in his normal voice.] Or cause it. [Shrug.] Either way.

[And she laughs. Actually laughs.] Cause it. I just try to stay out of zero, and on occasion protect the few people on this tin can I actually care about.

Edited 2010-02-07 04:38 (UTC)

And I'm a Warden, so they expect me to be, y'know, a decent member of society. [He is trying so hard to be innocent and serious right now.

And then he bursts out laughing.]

Yeah, right.

Ya know, I was considering holding this angel thing over your head, but now...

[LOOK AT THIS GRIN, RUBY? HOW CAN YOU RESIST THIS MF-ING GRIN.]

But now you're utterly charmed by my winning personality? [Spreads his arms wide in his best shameless "I KNOW, I AM AWESOME" gesture.] It happens to the best. And I promise I won't go all angel all over your ass, so that's probably a better deal than you get from most of the family.

[THE ANGELS ARE LIKE THE MAFIA, DIDN'T YOU KNOW?]

Yeah, well, mine's no bed of roses either. [She licks her lips as they start to approach the bar.] Although, there was this one thing I thought about getting out of you...

[Go on, Gabby, ask. THE MUN DARES YOU.]

[CURIOUS GABE IS NOW CURIOUS. And has forgotten there was a bar or he'd be making comments about how this sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. Gabriel is the Dean Winchester of the angel hierarchy.]

...Okay. I'll bite. What is it?

[And yet they get along SO WELL. How does that work?

And Ruby gives him one of those looks. You know which one. Yeah, that one she used to give Sam to make him all cute and flustered.]

[Because Gabe could get along with a brick wall. It's like the full circle of doucheyness. "OH MY GOD, YOU'RE OBNOXIOUS AND I HATE YOU... No, actually, you're adorable. Please say more words." And then he puts you in a time loop FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Gabe doesn't get all flustered. He orchestrates orgies. With cake. He lost his shame somewhere between Heaven and Albuquerque. He just raises an eyebrow.]

Not usually, but I slept through that part of angel school. [He ducks into the bar and then pokes his head out the door to add.] Not that I do all that much sleeping, if you catch my drift. [And he's ducking back in now.

CHEW ON THAT, RUBY.]

Edited 2010-02-07 07:38 (UTC)

[Mmmm, orgies with cake. Chocolate cake? If it is, Ruby is so there.

She follows him in, of course.]

It's just been too long since I did something really wrong, ya know, and I figure you're plenty wrong.

[WHAT HEATHEN GOD HAS ORGIES WITH ANYTHING ELSE? Not this heathen god, that's for sure.

He's already surveying the bar, staking out the alcohol that's likely to create something ungodly sweet and probably vaguely girly. Gabe is very certain of his masculinity.]

I'm the definition of wrong. If Cas were still here, he'd fall over in a fit if he knew half the things I've done. [He looks her over.] ...Although, if he actually got along with you, someone must've yanked that stick out of his ass.

[NPC!Elf knows what she likes, so she doesn't have to ask for her Jack. Not that she's really picky, alcohol is alcohol.]

He didn't at first, at least not when he was a warden. Then he rattled off something about your dad and disappeared. Next thing we know he's back, only five years older, human and high as a kite.

[Yes, get the masculine drink, Ruby. GABE WILL DRINK HIS LITTLE BLUE THING WITH MANLY PRIDE. And it better have an umbrella. Oh yes.

And now he's gonna stare like Ruby be crazy.]

...How come I don't get drugged-up!Castiel. I get stick-up-his-ass, disapproves-of-everything!Castiel. [Eyeroll and now he's just muttering, BECAUSE NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO HIM.] I told 'em he wasn't gonna find Dad.

He wasn't just drugged up. [She holds up her right hand, flashing her awesome black diamond snake ring (http://www.myjewelrybox.com/?section=item&itemID=6233) at him.] Christmas present. How fuckin' weird is that?

001 (Voice)

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[Spam: And my narration has descended into Crackville. Whee.]

[Spam: Pft. Crackville is fun.]

Re: [Spam: It's my hometown, yo. Represent.]

[Spam: Hey, you're talking to a chick who's played Ruby/Michael before.]

Re: [Spam: Fail is having to go make sad eyes at someone 'cause you didn't have the necessary icon.]

[Spam: LOL.]

[Spam: I feel like somewhere a bunch of angels just DIED. Spontaneously.]

[Spam: What would murder of an angel be called? If there's not a word, we should invent one.]

[Spam: ANGELICIDE. ...I totally just made that word up.]

[Spam: It's cool, I make up words all the time.]

[Spam: We can have our own dictionary.]

[Spam: What shall we call it?]

[Spam: The Dictionary.. Of Awesome People.]

[Spam: AWESOME.]

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