uberboned | 005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....

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005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....

[Transmission clicks on mid-rant, because he meant to turn the damn thing on, but got distracted by a wayward Cupid. Those little things are pesky. :|]

-little sparkly freak. Annnd the light's blinking. For those of you watching at home, I didn't dropkick Cupid, but I'm about ten seconds from it. You think that would offend the locals? ....I wonder what they do to criminals in this town. I'm not really seeing this as being the hang 'em high kinda place. Unless the nooses are made of licorace or something. Geez. It's like the Valentine's section at a department store exploded. Or we docked in a Disney movie and, by the way? If anyone breaks into song, I'm... No, I'm actually probably gonna laugh and consider the Admiral worthy of my undying respect.

Also, I'm offended at this place's complete disregard for anything other than traditional couples. If this is the love port, you'd think there'd be a lot more orgies. Woodstock was better at free love than this joint and a heckuva lot less cheesy. C'mon.

Anyway. Maxxie, Rubes, Deano, JD, John-Boy, Ringo... Whoever else is out there bored out of their skulls and wandering listlessly around this joint with nothing to do... As soon as I take care of some business in the casino, I'm parking it at the bar and am not moving an inch until we leave. Wild horses covered in pink flowers will not drag me from that place, but hot local girls might.

[OOC: And by "take care of something in the casino," he means "harrass the patrons." A LOT OF GAMBLERS ARE DICKS, OKAY? Feel free to spam, comment, do whatever you want. He has a date with Max and Ruby (not simultaneously), at some point, and a make-out session with Irene, but I'm still all open for plotting if anyone wants it. I am flexible like that.]

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Gabe? Not accustomed to people randomly screaming out in pain around him unless he did something to cause it. So, naturally, that got something of a reaction out of him.

"What? What?" He practically yelped, looking around like maybe the Cossacks had invaded or something since the last time he looked around the room. Or maybe the hearts had turned into flesh-eating monsters because he kept insulting them.

"I have a cramp in my side of some pretty damn epic proportions." Max rolled over onto her other side to ease some of the pain off of it and released a hiss of breath through her teeth.

"Oh." He blinked a few times and then shrugged slightly, smirking. "Well, in that case, you're welcome."

He was teasing, of course. Completely and utterly. ...Really.

Max rolled over a little and gave him a punch to the chest. "Not... funny."

"Ow," he whined, more at the fact that she hit him than anything resembling actual pain, and pouted slightly. "Not my fault you didn't stretch beforehand, princess."

Max found herself leaning comfortably against his chest and she didn't know why. "What? Am I supposed to start sex with you in bended mountain pose?" she sighed. "I've never had anyone keep up with me."

"Well, if you're into that kind of thing," he said, wrapping one arm behind his head. Without even meaning to, he started running his free hand through her hair, barely noticing he was doing it.

"Yeah, well. No one else is a god. So there you go."

Not that he's one, but, well, apparenty angels could go all night too. That part was not necessary to mention in the Bible, but it should have been.

Max rested her cheek against his chest at the touch, trying to ignore the sudden calm she felt. "That feels nice," she said in a sigh.

Oh. It should totally have been written. Angels love you long time.

He kept it up, looking down at her for a moment before looking back up at the ceiling. "There's probably something really important going on out there. Some Inmate has set fire to something pink in an act of sparkly rebellion and now there's a group of them dancing around it like it's a pagan rite."

He glanced over at his Warden item on the nightstand. It didn't appear to be showing anything particularly noteworthy. "Honestly, I think there's nothing wrong with organized protest and I'm sure whatever they set on fire here is one less thing they'll set fire to on the Barge."

Max chuckled softly and a bit tiredly against the flesh of his chest. "Is that your way of saying, that you're happy where you're at?"

"Yep," he said, his expression thoroughly smug and satisfied. "That is my very elaborate way of saying that. And, also it gives us an excuse for why we fail as Wardens if that sort of thing happens on our watch. See? I've covered all our bases."

Max leaned over him and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "You know the general populous doesn't give a damn about that, and if something should happen... we're screwed, right?" she smiled.

He made a small noise of pleasure at the kiss. "I dunno. I think we kinda filled our quota on screwing, don't you?"

Max dramatically flopped on top of him. "Pleeeeeeeeeeease, no more."

He laughed, throwing his head back slightly. "Well, fine, if you insist. Clearly, your stamina's not as good as you thought it was, princess." He tapped her lightly on the nose, smirking.

"Careful..." she warned. "I'll bite that finger off."

He pursed his lips in a slight oooh expression. "There's something I didn't get offered last night. You're holding out on me, Max."

Max gave him a look to judge if he was serious and then shook his head. "Okay, if you really want to be bit... ya weirdo." She sank her teeth into his shoulder.

"Ow," he yelped, more in surprise. "I was joking, although... No, I was joking." Surprise gave way to hysterical laughter. "Did you really just bite me? I'm the weirdo here?"

Max pushed him in the chest and laughed. "Hey, I never claimed to be normal."

"You said you wanted to be and my first thought was, 'no way,' but I figured I'd give you the benefit of the doubt. And now you've lost it." He clicked his tongue. "Sorry. Normal stops at randomly biting a guy."

Max stifled a laugh. "Stop picking on me, would you?"

"Triiiicksteeer," he drawled. "It's what I do. Do you want me to deny my nature? I have needs, Max."

He pouted, very puppy-like.

"I'm pretty sure I filled just about every need you had last night. And I never... want to get out of bed again." She patted his chest and leaned her head in her hand.

He shifted and mimiced her position. "Well, we've still got... What? Two days in port? What's the worst that can happen in two days? I mean, really. What could happen in this town? We find out the Admiral dropped us in Love City just in time for the locals to fatten us up on lust and then kill us all in some strange ritual?" He paused, considering that. "...On a scale of one to ten- one being 'not likely' and ten being 'hot damn, that Admiral's a freak'- how likely is that?"

spam~

spam~ GDI GAB&MAX... Y SO CUTE?

spam ~ I DUNNO. IT'S OSSUM. AND SORRY I MISSED YOU, BB. <33

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