uberboned | 005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....

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005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....

[Transmission clicks on mid-rant, because he meant to turn the damn thing on, but got distracted by a wayward Cupid. Those little things are pesky. :|]

-little sparkly freak. Annnd the light's blinking. For those of you watching at home, I didn't dropkick Cupid, but I'm about ten seconds from it. You think that would offend the locals? ....I wonder what they do to criminals in this town. I'm not really seeing this as being the hang 'em high kinda place. Unless the nooses are made of licorace or something. Geez. It's like the Valentine's section at a department store exploded. Or we docked in a Disney movie and, by the way? If anyone breaks into song, I'm... No, I'm actually probably gonna laugh and consider the Admiral worthy of my undying respect.

Also, I'm offended at this place's complete disregard for anything other than traditional couples. If this is the love port, you'd think there'd be a lot more orgies. Woodstock was better at free love than this joint and a heckuva lot less cheesy. C'mon.

Anyway. Maxxie, Rubes, Deano, JD, John-Boy, Ringo... Whoever else is out there bored out of their skulls and wandering listlessly around this joint with nothing to do... As soon as I take care of some business in the casino, I'm parking it at the bar and am not moving an inch until we leave. Wild horses covered in pink flowers will not drag me from that place, but hot local girls might.

[OOC: And by "take care of something in the casino," he means "harrass the patrons." A LOT OF GAMBLERS ARE DICKS, OKAY? Feel free to spam, comment, do whatever you want. He has a date with Max and Ruby (not simultaneously), at some point, and a make-out session with Irene, but I'm still all open for plotting if anyone wants it. I am flexible like that.]

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"I'd say I just don't have tact, but if you wanna call it honesty, I'll tack it up with my other virtues... If I have any other virtues." He pursed his lips, considering. "I have... No, that's not a virtue. Um. There was one. I think."

He shrugged it off, snickering at himself. "Well, aside from the fact that I could've picked a better time to show up. Fight Club and the Warden bitchfight of the year? That I could do without."

Edited 2010-02-13 01:52 (UTC)

"Honestly? That's one of the most normal things to happen here." Max said after a moment. "There have been worst tirades."

Max sucked in another large drink of her fruity cocktail and laughed light heartedly. "Well doesn't persistence and patience kind of group each other? Patience is a virtue!"

"Ha! There we go! Patience. I've got the patience of a very, very disenchanted saint," he sipped his own drink, grinning around the straw. "And I kinda assumed from the way people were talking that my righteous indignance was kinda premature, but, really now? I've made frat boys slow dance with aliens to teach 'em a lesson. The weird stuff's normal. It's when you bring a buncha people being idiots together in one big group that makes me doubt the human race... Not that half the Barge is human in the strictest sense, but whatever."

Max tilted her head to the side and gave him a look. Slow dancing aliens? That was both terrible and hilarious, she tried not openly show the fact that she'd probably do the same thing given the chance.

"I haven't done anything like that," a pause. "Well, I used to hock loogie's in the officer's cup of coffee that came to collect money so he wouldn't rat us out for squatting in an apartment building."

She thought some more. "I've also dressed up like a hooker and won the house at a hit man's casino that threatened to off my friend if they didn't do him some weird favor. Oh, I hung a girl outside over a balcony by her ankle..."

"Well, you have no game," he teased. "And by game, I mean phenomenal cosmic power. Note the pinky." He wiggled his pinky at her, just in case she forgot about it.

He choked on his drink at hooker comment and wound up staring at her. "I stopped listening at hooker. Did really you say you hung a girl over a balcony by her ankles?"

WHY SO AMAZING, MAX? WHY?

Max flipped her hair and rotated one shoulder, doing her best hooker imitation. It started with a giggle. "So... you gamble here? Can we play a game? No? I really like cards, but for some reason I can't stay fully clothed when I'm playing poker." Brief pause. "These cards are kinda greasy like my ex, you don't mind if I switch decks.... do you?" Eye batting.

Max threw a hand. "Yeah, she was trying to ruin my friend's engagement."

Gabe nodded the slow nod of a very impressed man. "...That's a really good hooker impression. And I would know. I'm very familiar with hookers." ...That was probably really awkward to say. He didn't really care. Much.

"Well, that's one I never thought of, so points for you," he said, waving a hand right back at her and going back to sucking back his drink and staring in awe.

Max finished what was left of her drink and narrowed her eyes on Gabe. It immediately started taking affect. "Instead of just staring at me like you wanna kiss me... why don't you do it?"

Edited 2010-02-13 02:40 (UTC)

Gabe finished the last of his drink and slammed the glass down on the bar with enough force to make the bartender jump, eyes narrowed slightly. "Because there's a special ring of Hell designed just for people who waste good alcohol and frankly, Max, I don't like the idea of Hell that much."

He paused. "Now lean forward a bit, because if I try it right now, I'm gonna faceplant on the floor and there's nothing sexy about that."

Max leaned her entire torso forward, one arm on the bar holding her up. She wasn't drunk, just love potioned and with what grace she biologically had probably wouldn't end up on the ground.

Nothing to it, but to do it then. He braced himself against the bar with one hand and then wrapped the other around the side of her neck before leaning forward and kissing her, barely noticing that the hearts fluttering around his head seemed to multiply in the process.

His vessel's heart did an odd little skip beat and a half-stifled moan of pleasure escaped his throat, not to be heard or noticed, because damn. There was no other word for this. Just... Damn.

Max smiled against his lips but pressed a little further, deepening it, and curling her tongue under the cupids bow of his upper lip. One hand found his knee and the inside of his leg to keep herself upright the own hearts around her head multiplying.

Angels don't generally sleep. Sloth being something of an artform though, Gabriel did it when he didn't have anything else to do... Or when he just had a wild night of passionate sex so good that he was half-certain he made it up.

But no, that number of hearts currently hovering around the bed probably said otherwise.

He raised a hand and slowly started pointing to them. "You and you and you and... All of you. Are sickos. Friggin' vouyeristic hearts."

Sleep/sex-drunk don't make for a very coherent archangel in the morning.

What time was it even? She felt like they had literally done it ALL night. Had they? In relevance to that she felt like she had only slept for an hour.

Maxxie's fingers curled in the pillow and she shoved her head further into it, refusing physically to wake up. Like a petulant child.

"...And, furthermore, I think this relationship is complicated enough without you guys hanging around and..." Oh right. The girl he had sex with is still here. And hot and... making him feel all number of really, really odd things. "I'll get back to you."

He rolled over on his side. "This didn't turn into one of those, 'oh God, oh God, have I done' moments, did it? 'Cause I know what I did and I'm gonna feel really awkward if we weren't on the same page." He paused. "Especially considering we rewrote a lot of books last night on wrong. And I mean a lot."

And the best part is, he was lying about the part the part that made everything really wrong- the whole... Angel thing.

Max rolled over to face him, but before even looking at him rubbed her eyes and licked her lips. She could go right back to bed if she was honest with herself. She had never so physically exhausted herself.

"If it was one of those moments," she yawned. "I'd be beating you up, or something, I dunno. You know those scenes of trains, and drills, and sledgehammers, and little cartoon sequences that certain TV shows play when the main characters are doin' it like bunnies. I feel like THAT just happened."

Her sarcasm was a little dry, normally confident voice weighed down with weariness. "How long... like- GEEZ." She finally noticed the hearts.

Gabe propped his head up with his hand, still lying on his side. "I dunno. I think I lost count after the- Oh right. Those." He glanced back up at the hearts, sort of half-glaring. "I think that's the secret of this town. Sick, perverted floating hearts."

Max rolled over onto her back with an audible flop and pushed her hands through her hair, instantly regretting the decision because it gave her a charlie horse in her side. "Ow! Dammit. Ow. OW. Ow."

Gabe? Not accustomed to people randomly screaming out in pain around him unless he did something to cause it. So, naturally, that got something of a reaction out of him.

"What? What?" He practically yelped, looking around like maybe the Cossacks had invaded or something since the last time he looked around the room. Or maybe the hearts had turned into flesh-eating monsters because he kept insulting them.

"I have a cramp in my side of some pretty damn epic proportions." Max rolled over onto her other side to ease some of the pain off of it and released a hiss of breath through her teeth.

"Oh." He blinked a few times and then shrugged slightly, smirking. "Well, in that case, you're welcome."

He was teasing, of course. Completely and utterly. ...Really.

Max rolled over a little and gave him a punch to the chest. "Not... funny."

"Ow," he whined, more at the fact that she hit him than anything resembling actual pain, and pouted slightly. "Not my fault you didn't stretch beforehand, princess."

Max found herself leaning comfortably against his chest and she didn't know why. "What? Am I supposed to start sex with you in bended mountain pose?" she sighed. "I've never had anyone keep up with me."

"Well, if you're into that kind of thing," he said, wrapping one arm behind his head. Without even meaning to, he started running his free hand through her hair, barely noticing he was doing it.

"Yeah, well. No one else is a god. So there you go."

Not that he's one, but, well, apparenty angels could go all night too. That part was not necessary to mention in the Bible, but it should have been.

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spam~ ---wanna pick it up to morning after?

spam~ YEP. AND THEN THERE WAS SEX. THAT NO ONE GETS TO SEE. AND IT WAS GREAT SEX TOO.

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spam~ GDI GAB&MAX... Y SO CUTE?

spam ~ I DUNNO. IT'S OSSUM. AND SORRY I MISSED YOU, BB. <33

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