uberboned | 005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....

[Transmission clicks on mid-rant, because he meant to turn the damn thing on, but got distracted by a wayward Cupid. Those little things are pesky. :|]

-little sparkly freak. Annnd the light's blinking. For those of you watching at home, I didn't dropkick Cupid, but I'm about ten seconds from it. You think that would offend the locals? ....I wonder what they do to criminals in this town. I'm not really seeing this as being the hang 'em high kinda place. Unless the nooses are made of licorace or something. Geez. It's like the Valentine's section at a department store exploded. Or we docked in a Disney movie and, by the way? If anyone breaks into song, I'm... No, I'm actually probably gonna laugh and consider the Admiral worthy of my undying respect.

Also, I'm offended at this place's complete disregard for anything other than traditional couples. If this is the love port, you'd think there'd be a lot more orgies. Woodstock was better at free love than this joint and a heckuva lot less cheesy. C'mon.

Anyway. Maxxie, Rubes, Deano, JD, John-Boy, Ringo... Whoever else is out there bored out of their skulls and wandering listlessly around this joint with nothing to do... As soon as I take care of some business in the casino, I'm parking it at the bar and am not moving an inch until we leave. Wild horses covered in pink flowers will not drag me from that place, but hot local girls might.

[OOC: And by "take care of something in the casino," he means "harrass the patrons." A LOT OF GAMBLERS ARE DICKS, OKAY? Feel free to spam, comment, do whatever you want. He has a date with Max and Ruby (not simultaneously), at some point, and a make-out session with Irene, but I'm still all open for plotting if anyone wants it. I am flexible like that.]

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"Careful..." she warned. "I'll bite that finger off."

[SUDDEN GLEEFACE IS INTERRUPTED BY SUDDEN QUESTIONING.] ...With me or in general?

With you. Duh.

He pursed his lips in a slight oooh expression. "There's something I didn't get offered last night. You're holding out on me, Max."

Then yes. You do. [And because waiting is for losers and the town's just that sappy and because he just can, he leans down and kisses her.]

Max gave him a look to judge if he was serious and then shook his head. "Okay, if you really want to be bit... ya weirdo." She sank her teeth into his shoulder.

[Mustnotmeltintoapuddle, mustnotmeltintoapuddle. Okay, so she melts a little, but quickly recovers and wraps her arms around him as she returns his kiss.]

"Ow," he yelped, more in surprise. "I was joking, although... No, I was joking." Surprise gave way to hysterical laughter. "Did you really just bite me? I'm the weirdo here?"

Max pushed him in the chest and laughed. "Hey, I never claimed to be normal."

[He will totally ignore the melting or, rather, file it under 'things he is not using for blackmail material. He pulls away before things start getting indecent.] Right. As much as this town approves of free love, I'm pretty sure there are laws against taking this any further right here.

[She smiles, and even laughs a little.] Yeah, probably.

"You said you wanted to be and my first thought was, 'no way,' but I figured I'd give you the benefit of the doubt. And now you've lost it." He clicked his tongue. "Sorry. Normal stops at randomly biting a guy."

[Insert awesome hot demon-on-angel sex log that no one gets to see here. USE YOUR IMAGINATIONS, PEOPLE. DID BARNEY THE DINOSAUR TEACH YOU NOTHING?

...ABOUT PORN?]

Max stifled a laugh. "Stop picking on me, would you?"

[LOL, BARNEY.

Right, so no more sex, but there's after-sex cuddling. Cause Ruby is totally a cuddler when she's in love, which means this will probably never happen again. Add a satisfied sigh and waaaaay too many floating hearts and you get the picture.] I've been touched by an angel. I can die happy. ...again.

"Triiiicksteeer," he drawled. "It's what I do. Do you want me to deny my nature? I have needs, Max."

He pouted, very puppy-like.

"I'm pretty sure I filled just about every need you had last night. And I never... want to get out of bed again." She patted his chest and leaned her head in her hand.

[BARNEY IS NECESSARY FOR EVERY SEX SCENE. EXCEPT NOT. BECAUSE THAT'S CREEPY.

Gabe has one arm folded behind his head and another around Ruby, totally facilitating the cuddling, because he is, apparently, also a cuddler. Tell no one. He will never admit it.] You're welcome. I'm pretty sure Dad's never letting me back in the house after this one, buuut I'm not too broken up about it.

[She snorts.] Your dad even at the house?

Irene swiveled on her bar stool to face Gabel and hopped down. Her head was tilted slightly in thought. "Someone else, hm?" She smiled. "Well, I suppose that's only right. It is Kissing Town, after all." She moved closer to her companion, step by deliberate step.

"Although I should tell you, it's not just me who'll be wanting," she remarked, placing a hand on Gabe's knee. "You see, I am rather good at making people want me." She had draped her arm over his shoulder and was grazing the nape of his neck in lazy circles with her nails. "Millionaires, princes. Even a king or two." Irene was leaning forward, her breath fluttering against his cheek. "It's a game, and one I play exquisitely well. I'm wicked, you know," she added quietly, and proceeded to do wicked things to his ear.

He shifted and mimiced her position. "Well, we've still got... What? Two days in port? What's the worst that can happen in two days? I mean, really. What could happen in this town? We find out the Admiral dropped us in Love City just in time for the locals to fatten us up on lust and then kill us all in some strange ritual?" He paused, considering that. "...On a scale of one to ten- one being 'not likely' and ten being 'hot damn, that Admiral's a freak'- how likely is that?"

"It's a hot damn," Max yawned. "You have no idea.... this a piece of cake compared to other stuff."

Gabriel made a strangled noise. "Well, I'm better at making-" And that thought gets cut off by another random noise. Oh dear God, why do these women do this to him? It's not fair.

When he manages to find his voice again, it comes out in half-choked gasps. "Y'know, I don't think your Warden would- oh screw your Warden. I bet you already did. That's probably a compliment."

[Pause.] Not at the moment. Not sure where he is. [He shrugged.] So I guess what he don't know don't get me cast into the pits.

"Well, if the townsfolk come for blood, I'll... Drop 'em down an elevator shaft." He paused. "It'll be a really big elevator shaft."

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005: Little toooown, it's a quiet village....

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spam! AND WE CAN ASSUME SEX HAPPENED? As I have major SEX fail. :\

spam! SURE! There's no fail in assuming :)

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spam! YEP. :D

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Irene is a skanky ho ;_; I weep for canon.

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DAMMIT, WOMAN.

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