020- (Voice) Gabe is still the most unhelpful angel on the Barge

[uberboned]

Okay! So everyone's getting a bit twitchy over this whole 'we're trapped on a boat with a bunch of starving vampires' thing. I get it. We all look like meals on wheels to you bloodsuckers right now, but just remember that people are friends not food. Repeat it to yourself. Cross-stitch it onto a pillow. I bet some of you guys could use the distraction right now. Go ahead. Cross-stitch away. It's a great hobby.

And, for the record, drinking angel blood is like drinking Drain-o. So don't try it... Unless you want to be hungry and convulsing on the floor with killer indigestion. Hah! See what I did there? 'Cause it... Never mind.

[Private to Max, added later.]

I'm coming over. I need to talk to you. And you don't get to say no.

Comments

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

I'm suggesting healthy alternatives to eating people. Give a vamp some blood and they'll be hungry again in an hour. Teach a vamp to crochet and they'll have something to distract 'em until they forget they were hungry.

[subtlescience]

And when they remember that they're hungry again? I can't imagine a vampire would be willing to crochet for eternity, and they do tend to get violent the longer they go without feeding.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

It's a joke, pal. There's nothing wrong with a healthy sense of humor.

[subtlescience]

Your sense of humor may be the only thing healthy about you in a week or so.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Yeeeeah. About that...

[subtlescience]

You believe otherwise?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

I believe that I'm not gonna go and get myself bitten in a crisis, bucko.

[subtlescience]

I can just see the barricades now.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

Actually, if you were to do a survey of the knitting circles in my city, you'd get about 60% crochety old lady and 40% vampire.

It seems to, actually, help. Not just knitting, but a hobby which requires an obsessive level of concentration. So don't write it off.

[subtlescience]

No doubt it will help for a while - but even little old ladies eventually get hungry.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

Point taken, and these vampires are less disposed to going without blood as ones on the Disc.

So maybe some little old ladies are doomed. It's worrying.

[subtlescience]

I doubt the little old ladies are any more at risk than the middle-aged wizards.

You fall into one of those two categories, Hix.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

But middle-aged wizards who are actively helping them, have a vast knowledge of the undead and has a considerable amount of magic at their disposal...

I don't see many little old ladies doing that, and you've only got one of those three going for you, Snape.

[subtlescience]

Be fair. I have two.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

Alright, I'll squash you in the first one, too. You're not getting the second unless you show me a doctorate.

[subtlescience]

You need a doctorate from me to know if I'll be eaten before you?

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

Yes. That's exactly how it works.

[subtlescience]

I was under the impression that the only important piece of information was which of us could run faster - and possibly build a better furniture barricade.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

And the fact that I am overly qualified in a type of magic which specialises in the undead counts for nothing? I'd have thought that was a large factor.

Snape is bemused and amused at the same time.

[subtlescience]

I had no idea this had become a competition.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

Less competition and more academic one-up-manship with a hint of survivalism. This is basically our University in a nutshell.

[subtlescience]

I concede this round to you. I can hardly compete by your University's standards if I've not attended your university.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

Well, you could hold me to your school's standards at some time. I doubt a necromancer really fits in too well there, but you wouldn't really fit in ours, so we're even.

[subtlescience]

I wonder sometimes if Hogwarts had standards.

[evilbystatute.livejournal.com]

...They seemed to be quite liberal, from what I read, but I won't comment.

The Bursar alone is enough to condemn our university's standards.