uberboned | IC CONTACT POST

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[what] contact post

IC CONTACT POST

[A woman's voice comes over the line.]

You've reached the Trickster's voicemail. Unfortunately, Mr. Trickster isn't available to take your call, nor will he likely ever be. Should you still wish to leave a message, please respond after the tone, and maybe we'll remember to get it to him, mmkay?

[Beep]

[[OOC: This is an IC voicemail post for all verses games. Please put the name of the verse/game you want in the subject heading.]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He probably feels dumb for asking that question about a split second after it comes out of his mouth. The dining room is littered with newspapers. Some are laid down neatly, others are torn to shreds. There are several wet spots on the expensive rug, paper towels all over the place, and an empty bottle of carpet cleaner. Two pots are on the floor. One is full of water, the other is overturned and there's puppy chow spread out around it.

Jinx is standing on top of and upside down laundry hamper in all this chaos, holding her communicator. Trapped under said laundry hamper is a very confused and guilty looking puppy. The sorceress looks desperate.]

Edited 2012-02-17 00:13 (UTC)

[...Oh.

Okay then. He looks around, looks at Jinx, looks at the puppy, blinks a few times and then...]

I hope that's not Elvis.

I haven't even told Elvis unless Lutz already spilled the beans. [Yes. This is a normal conversation. There's a whimper from under the basket.]

Baby...help.

[Gabriel maneuvers through the messy maze and gestures for Jinx to get down off the hamper, placing a hand on it to steady it, lest the dog try to escape.]

Here's the thing, fuzzball. Jinx has probably never owned a pet that wasn't a sentient piece of furniture, so unless you turn into a footstool, you're gonna have to cool it. Okay? [The way Gabriel's talking to her, he might as well be talking to a person. It would be crazy if he wasn't an angel. And angels are practically Disney princesses.

He looks up at Jinx.] Where'd you find her?

[Jinx hops off the hamper, landing soundlessly and managing to avoid putting her shoe in one of the questionably wet spot. Suddenly, she looks like a child who begged and pleaded her parents for a puppy, then failed miserably at taking care of it.]

She was a gift. I told Red I didn't want her. But then he-- [Threatened her pride?] --just left her here with me.

She won't listen to me and I can't understand a damn thing she tries to tell me! [And there's that question again. Whether Jinx can actually talk to animals or if she's just insane. No one's been brave enough to explore it. You probably shouldn't either.]

[Gabriel tried not to snort- really, he made a valiant effort not to even show the faintest flicker of amusement, but a small smirk managed to break out. He tipped over the hamper and hauled the puppy up into his arms, letting her sniff him.] You're a bossy lady, Jinxie. All you have to do is treat the dog like you do your kids in the theater... Fewer hexes though. She'll listen. [He looks the dog right in the eye.] Won't you?

[As the puppy licks his face, Jinx turns away from them, throwing up her hands in exasperation.]

Good. She likes you. She's yours. Congratulations.

[Gabriel turns his head away to avoid getting Frenched by an overly affectionate dog and follows Jinx.] Oh c'mon. It's not that bad. Bet you already named her and everything.

I so haven't named her. If I name her, that means I'm keeping her.

[Jinx names her fortune cookies and purses. Of course she's named the damn dog. She storms out of the dining room and down into the living room. Dramatically, she flops down on a sofa and folds her arms over her chest, glaring at them both.]

I'm not qualified to take care of her. If you haven't noticed, everything I care about in this household can't die.

Wow. Sucks to be Claudio's cat and the mold. [He scritches the puppy behind her ears.] It can be a group effort. I'm fairly qualified to take care of a dog. All you have to do is give her a little love. [He flops down on the sofa with her and holds the puppy up so she's covering his face.] I mean, look at her.

[The puppy begins whimpering at Jinx, wagging her tail back and forth. The sorceress doesn't move, but her expression begins to look just as helpless.]

But she smells. And she's already destroying our rugs. Those are imported.

[They're in Siren's Port. Everything is imported. Your excuses are lame, Jinx.]

And we're also practically the Warbucks family. Just think of her as Little Orphan Annie... Who probably also smelled and destroyed a few rugs.

[She grabs the puppy from him just so she can look at him like he's dumb.]

We're not as financially stable as you seem to think. If Canada didn't have free health care, we'd lose the house.

[Despite how frustrated her new owner sounds, puppy looks quite happy being manhandled by her.]

[Gabriel reaches over and scritches her ears- the puppy, not Jinx. Obviously, Jinx wouldn't take too kindly to that.] You practically run the theater, we have a club... We're doing a lot better than the schmucks living their boring humdrum lives. It'll be fine, babe. Besides, you can't re-gift a dog. She smells like us. No one will take her.

Felton: money pit. Purgatory: bigger money pit. Do you even know what a checkbook looks like?

[Her arms finally get tired enough to set the puppy down on the couch. She immediately tries to crawl her big paws into Jinx's lap. She pushes the dog away, only for her to try again.]

I know that The Money Pit was so not Tom Hanks' biggest achievement. [He rolls his eyes.] Hey, did I ever tell you I was an angel? [He pulls a bone out of thin air and offers it to the puppy.]

[She gives him a wry smirk and quirks her brow at him.] Have I ever told you that your Grace is completely unreliable and a shit cook?

[She plucks the bone out of his hand so she can offer it to her puppy.]

I put Milan in a warehouse. [And was nearly laid up for a month because... Ow.]

People don't ingest Milan.

[Even the puppy is giving the bone a skeptical look. D'aww, it's like she's trying to prove Jinx's point. Good girl.]

I can eat it. [Suuulk.]

Because you'd be three-hundred pound heavier if you weren't also an archangel.

[She picks up the puppy to not only put her in her lap, but to snuggle the little beast against her chest. The rest of what she says is in a baby talk voice. The same way she used to talk to her stomach when she mocked Gabriel.]

Daddy's a fatty. He played the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in Ghostbusters. Yes he did.

[Oh, yes. She hates the puppy.]

[BIGGEST LINEFACE.]

Don't listen to Mommy, princess. She's just pissed that Dennis Rodman made pink hair cool before she got to it.

Shhhh. Don't listen to him. He's just mad because he's old and you love me more. Isn't that right?

[For a moment, it looked like she was going to let herself get big, slobbery puppy kisses. But transitions don't happen overnight. Before the puppy can get to Jinx's face, she's pulled out of reach and put down on the couch.]

[Gabriel snorted.] Wow. You've convinced me. Quick. Let's find a cardboard box and take her to the pound before you change your mind.

[That gets him a death glare. She crinkles her nose and points toward the dining room.]

Go clean the rug. Now.

IC CONTACT POST

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