IC CONTACT POST

[uberboned]

[A woman's voice comes over the line.]

You've reached the Trickster's voicemail. Unfortunately, Mr. Trickster isn't available to take your call, nor will he likely ever be. Should you still wish to leave a message, please respond after the tone, and maybe we'll remember to get it to him, mmkay?

[Beep]

[[OOC: This is an IC voicemail post for all verses games. Please put the name of the verse/game you want in the subject heading.]]

Comments

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

....You forgot Maya. She's just more low-maintenance. [Facefall. Damn, he is a sucker for a little girl.]

And we're never getting a cat. Nothing that even vaguely resembles a cat. If the kid goes near something cat-like, I'm gonna lose it.

[...Oh wait. He's talking like they're keeping it. Fuckberries.]

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Either a reference just went right over my head or you're just talking like that because you're in shock.

[She motions for him to sit down next to her.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[He flops down unceremoniously. Kyubey apparently ilicits this reaction.] Ahiru's contract's held by some demonic self-cannibalizing cat freak that will not die.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[She leans her head on his shoulder.]

I find the term "cat freak" racist and derogatory.

[She sighs.] How many times did you try killing it?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

It was definitely not your soul brother, so you can rest easy. [He huffs at that and holds up five fingers.]

Five. I had to stop because it was getting close to midnight and I was worried what damage letting it eat itself after that could do.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[Jinx takes his hand and kisses the tip of every one of those fingers.]

That sounds horrible. Do you know why Ahiru made a contract with this thing?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

To keep everyone safe and happy. [He can't even do a passable imitation of a pre-teen girl, but he can make his voice high and girly.] I tried to give her the free will speech, but she was having none of it. And I think she hates me now... Except she doesn't hate anyone, so it's really complicated.

[He sighs and wraps his other hand around hers.] I'm not really that good a paternal figure- I haven't exactly been the greatest older brother all these years and then there's that whole 'absent Dad' thing... I mean, look how bad the Winchesters are screwed up.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Damn it, Ahiru. [She growls and shakes her head.] I'll try talking to her. I am her mentor. Or something.

[She sighs and looks down at their connected hands.]

Well, you've got one thing going for you. There's no way in hell I'm letting you run away from this one. If you so much as try, I'll find you... [Looking back up, she gives him her best serious mobster face.] And I will make you pay>

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

And I wouldn't want that. I've seen your dungeon. [He pouted a little and then kissed her nose.] I'm gonna miss your dungeon.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Where in the book does it say I have to bequeath the dungeon? [She glares, crinkling her nose.]

I am never giving up my rights to tie you up and break out the leather.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Do they make maternity dominatrix outfits? [He wrinkles his nose right at her] We could have just invented a new kink.

[Annnd that just makes him snort] This kid is gonna be so screwed up.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[Groaning, she rolls her eyes and lets go of his hand. But it's not long before she straddles his lap, draping her arms over his shoulders.]

We didn't. Believe me. It already exists.

[A frown.] Our sex life aside, she's going to have it rough. No matter what. I've been....praying that she looks more like you than me. [Legitimately praying.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

There really is a kink for everything. Sex was the original iPhone. [And he is not complaining one bit about Jinx in his lap. Nope. In fact, he leans back a bit.

At that comment, he kisses her on the forehead and then down to the tip of her nose.] I like how you look. And she should have your eyes.

[Dammit, Gabriel. You are really losing this fight.]

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

No, no, no, no, no. My little girl is not having cat jokes made at her for the rest of her life.

[Her little girl. This was weird. Really, really weird. Her nose crinkles at that kiss and she pouts at him.]

I want her to have everything I never did. Like a tan.

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Okay. Ixnay on your features, which look damn good on you, by the way. [He kisses her on the neck.] Just don't become one of those creepy pageant moms.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[She muffles a groan by biting her bottom lip as he kisses her neck.]

Don't worry. I'll be worse. I'll dress her in costumes and make her study The Art of War. [Grabbing him lightly by the back of his head, she presses his lips back up against her neck.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

She's gonna beat Drew Barrymore for most dysfunctional girl still wearing ribbons in her hair. [His voice is muffled by his lips on her neck, but the words are clear enough between kissing and sucking.]

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Then she'll be the only girl going into kindergarten with a pediatrician, a therapist, and a support group. [Which she said while panting and swallowing. Her hand fists in his hair and she grabs one of his shoulders. Head tilting back, she exposes more neck for him.]

Every kid wants to be unique, right?

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

More like traumatized and resentful, but, hey, with family like ours... [He moved upwards so that he could nibble on her ear.] These things happen. No one's gonna fault us for our family bullshit.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

[Oh, he knows her body well. Ear nibbling is just the right thing to make her shiver.]

Every member of her family is a psychotic murderer in one way or another. If she doesn't snap and turn us all in by the age of 12, I'll be impressed.

[Her claws dig into his shoulder.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

We're gonna have to keep her away from all well-meaning superhero boys. [He growls against her neck and slides his hands around her waist and up her shirt.] You know how those boys are. [He moves to kiss her lips, nipping her lower lip lightly.] Only one thing on their minds.

[He hooks his free hand around the back of her neck while the other traces lazy circles along the edge of her spine.] Salvation. They're like overly gelled-up Jehovah's Witnesses.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

We'll beat the speedsters off her--nngh--with a stick.

[She takes a moment to kiss him again. By this point, she's ruined the shoulder of his shirt. The fabric is in shreds.]

It's your job to make sure she'll never have our level of daddy issues. [Now it's her turn to molest his neck.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

Speedsters. Batman's creepy pedophilia den sidekicks-mmph. Basically anything with a heart of gold and a dick. [He cranes his neck a bit and growls suggestively.] And it's your job to make sure she doesn't do things like that... You, however? You can keep doing that.

[hexyoutotuesday.livejournal.com]

Heart of gold? Dick? Got it. [She bites down gently on his neck and purrs.]

Cross your fingers and pray to Daddy she's a lesbian. [Which praying is the last thing he'll want to do with his girlfriend practically tonguing his ear.]

[painhumbles.livejournal.com]

[He purrs and shifts a little, hooking one ankle around her ankle to edge it slightly. You know where he's going with that, but he's not openly concerned with it right now- just teasing her. His hand continues to trace patterns on her spine while he nips at her shoulders, smothering the light bruises in rough kisses.] How about we just keep her in a tower where no sex can happen period?

[Because, yeah, it's kind of a buzzkill to think your daughter might well have the power to kill a man mid-coitus... Dammit. He hated that he had to make a joke out of Jinx's pregnancy to keep himself okay with it. Every time the reality hit him, he shoved it away. Like now. Moving his hands to Jinx's thighs was more important.